Categories
International Not Soccer Soccer

Shoot for the (Four) Stars

We’re in quarantine. Sports are on hold indefinitely. I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but I’m getting tired of watching a ridiculous amount of Degrassi: The Next Generation—a show I chose purely because it has almost 400 episodes—in between pretending to do work for my online classes. So what else is there?

Watching old soccer games? Can be fun, but if you’re like me, you have a hard time focusing for an hour and a half on a sports match you’ve already seen. (Especially if you end up thinking about the current lack of sports and feeling sad about that instead.)

Books? Sure. I recently finished There There, which I definitely recommend checking out if you haven’t yet. I’m now working my way through a book about consciousness and octopuses—maybe more on that in a week or two. The thing is, I can only spend so much time reading every day, so that can’t be the only thing in my life.

Astrology? Now we’re onto something. I started a comparison between Jill Ellis’s and Vlatko Andonovski’s charts a couple months ago out of curiosity; I wanted to know what the stars had to say about their different coaching styles and appearances in the eyes of fans. While I never fully put anything together then, now seems like the perfect time to change that.

Photo by Nikita Taparia.

At its most basic level, astrology is about planets, signs, and houses. These are usually explained in terms of energy. Planets identify what energy is being dealt with—for instance, the sun describes one’s most basic self, while Mercury is about intellect and communication. Signs explain how that energy manifests itself, and houses express the areas of life in which that energy appears. For the purposes of this piece, I’m looking just at the first two, as the placement of houses changes every two hours and I don’t know Ellis’s or Andonovski’s exact time of birth. I’m also focusing on the inner, “personal,” planets, those which reflect on one’s individual personality.

Jill Ellis’ natal chart.

As mentioned above, one’s sun sign describes their most fundamental self. It’s the one we talk about when discussing astrology more generally—you’re usually an Aries if you’re born between March 21 and April 20, a Taurus from April 21 to May 20, and so on. In both Ellis’s and Andonovski’s cases, the sun falls in Virgo.

Vlatko Andonovski’s natal chart.

First and foremost, Virgos are analytical, always evaluating and fine-tuning details. Industrious and pragmatic, this placement bodes well for someone who coaches soccer at its highest level; it lends itself to a technical and tactically creative read of the game. We can see this in Ellis’s array of experimental formations and in Andonovski’s willingness to adapt his game plan in accordance with the strengths and weaknesses of the opponent. The stereotypical Virgo trait of attention to detail is relevant here as well; it speaks to both these coaches’ drive for constant improvement.

Moving down their charts, both coaches’ signs again align, as they both have moons in Taurus. While the sun represents one’s most basic identity, the moon turns this focus inwards to emotions and the subconscious self. Taurus is represented by the bull; it centers around stability and dependability. This placement tells us that Ellis and Andonovski are fundamentally nurturing people who are in control of their emotions.

As alluded to earlier, Mercury placements tell us about thinking and communication. For Ellis, this planet is again in Virgo, focused on practicality and logic. We see this in her trial-and-error approach when it comes to lineups—the infamous Allie Long in the center of a three-back experiment comes to mind. However, Ellis’s reason-based method of thinking also has its clear advantages, most notably when she outcoached Phil Neville’s England side in the 2019 World Cup semifinal. (Neville is an Aquarius, Capricorn Mercury, if you were wondering.)

Andonovski’s Mercury falls in Libra. Symbolized by a set of scales, Libra is about diplomacy and balance. This manifests itself in the way Andonovski manages his teams—he emphasized that the Reign FC squad was a family throughout the 2019 season, a clear indication of his value of unity. The Libra trait of conflict avoidance is also evident in Andonovski’s coaching; he tends to avoid direct play in favor of building through cohesive teamwork and picking the moments to strike.

Venus tells us about relationships—romantic or otherwise—and creativity. Libra is again present for Andonovski here. In this case, his chart tells us that he’s easy to get along with, something supported by the seemingly unanimous praise we hear from his players. Libra Venuses also thrive when expressing their imagination; Andonovski’s love of the game shines through in his meticulous research and tactically adaptable style of coaching. 

In contrast, Ellis’ Venus is located in Leo, a sign associated with loyalty, pride, and radiance. Those with this placement are often charismatic in interpersonal relationships and crave admiration. Additionally, Leo Venuses are more likely to possess extravagant material belongings—or in Ellis’ case, to have peacocks basically living in her yard

Leo also appears in Mars on Ellis’ chart. The planet tied to physical drive and initiative, a Leo Mars often indicates a visionary nature. This tends to make one a good leader, so long as their ego doesn’t get in the way. In Ellis’ case, this allowed her to confidently lead the USWNT for a number of years, although a conflict between pride and the humbling detail-oriented nature of her sun and Mercury could have led to thoroughness in some areas and an overconfident lack of oversight in others. 

Like the other two inner planets, Andonovski’s Mars is in Libra. When three planets—or four, depending on who you ask—fall in the same sign or house, the energy described by that placement is often enhanced. (This is called a stellium.)

Libra Mars leads to the channeling of energy into intellectual or artistic pursuits. Whereas Mars often describes impulsive action, those with Libra placements are often more measured; they tend to consider all sides before making a decision. For Andonovski, this only accentuates his strengths as a coach. He is decisive, but not without ignoring reason.

Ellis exited the job of USWNT head coach boasting a 106-7-19 record and two World Cups, numbers that make it hard to dispute her success. While of course this isn’t fully due to her star chart, and of course the circumstances of one’s birth aren’t the sole indicator of whether or not one will be a good coach, Ellis’s placements lend themselves to confidence and intelligence in her work. While the same signs do not appear in all areas of Andonovski’s chart, that he and Ellis share sun and moon signs indicate that the calm analysis of Ellis’s coaching will not be lost. And a little more emphasis on teamwork never hurt anyone.

Categories
Soccer Timbers

Just a Kid Named “GOJ”

12-year old Anderson Mathews is like any other middle-school kid. He plays FIFA, enjoys collecting stickers and scarves, and secretly hopes that school will not return before his birthday. More than anything, he loves patches, soccer, and the Portland Timbers.

Mathews is a well-known member of the Timbers community, and his white Jeanderson jersey is often easy to spot in the stadium. Yet while his name may be Anderson, many fans know him by a different moniker: Ghost of Jeanderson, or GOJ for short. The nickname was given to him at a 2016 game in Seattle, when two members of the Soccer Touchdown Podcast mistook his name for Jeanderson, a former Timber who only played in three matches for the club. Both Mathews and Jeanderson were happy-go-lucky people, so the nickname ultimately stuck.

While Mathews may be young, he is a Timbers Army veteran. He attended his first Timbers game in 2012, when the team hosted Valencia in a friendly, a match he still has the scarf from. In 2016, he and his father traveled to the aforementioned Seattle game on the Timbers Army charter bus, where they made new friends and ultimately became dedicated fans. Now, his family is a staple among the thousands of supporters who fill the North End of Providence Park every home game.

It was a year after that first trip to Seattle that Mathews became intrigued by the patches that many Timbers Army supporters wore and collected. By 2017, that budding curiosity quickly became a hobby for both him and his family. After attending an away game at Cincinnati last season, Mathews came up with an idea. Collecting and trading patches was cool, but what if he could make some of his own?

When he returned home, he began to brainstorm an idea for his first away days patch.

“We lost terribly, but it was on St. Patrick’s day, so we made this patch that was Portland versus FC Cincinnati,” Mathews said. “It was in the shape of a shamrock, and it said PTFC versus FCC. We put a lot of detail into it. Last year I handed them out to all the people that went to Cincinnati.”

That patch became a hit, and sparked the idea to create a new and unique one for each time a new opponent plays the Portland Timbers. For the game against Nashville SC, Mathews and his family designed a patch in the shape of a guitar bearing the names of both teams, along with the phrase “Inaugural Game.” When the season resumes, the Timbers are scheduled to host Inter Miami. Right now, Mathews is thinking about shaping the patch like the Miami Vice logo with the words “PTFC versus Inter Miami,” but the concept is still being brainstormed.

This guitar patch was distributed to visiting Nashville SC supporters at the Timbers’ last home game.

While these patches may sound simple, it takes months to see an idea through to its final stages.

The first step is coming up with an idea. Then, Matthews’ dad takes colored pencils and sketches out the design. From there, he and his family make small corrections before sending them into the factory that will produce the patches in bulk. The factory makes one copy of the patch and sends an image back to the Mathews family for approval before producing roughly 100 patches to ship to Oregon.

Last year, Mathews and his family created his favorite patch yet: an old-fashioned travel suitcase that sported mini pennants representing different MLS franchises. The patch was nominated for an award at last year’s Patch Palooza Pizza Party, an annual gathering for patch collectors and traders in the Portland community.

This “Away Days” patch was nominated for an award last year. (Photo courtesy of Mathews)

Oftentimes, these patches sell out quickly, but no single patch received more positive feedback than one designed as a pair of car keys that read “Go home you bums.” This patch, representing a Timbers Army tradition, sold out within 15 minutes. The family hurriedly placed a second order.

“People are nuts for patches,” Mathews said. “If a patch sells out in 15 minutes, people get mad at you.”

The thing about patches is that they are popular among fans and players alike. For example, if you take a close look at the right sleeve of Zarek Valentin’s jean jacket that he wore before a home game against Seattle last season, you may notice a small, circular patch depicting a ghost with a soccer ball. That is the “Ghost of Jeanderson Patch,” one that Mathews’ family created back in 2016.

That particular picture was a surprise to Mathews, but he did know that Valentin was a fan of his patches. The two were first introduced to one another through the Soccer Touchdown Podcast. From there, they started to talk after games. In 2018, Mathews gifted Valentin his green jersey. Valentin kept that jersey with him, and during each game of the Timbers’ 2018 MLS Cup run he would send Mathews a picture of it.

Photo courtesy of Mathews

“When Zarek was a Timber, him and I hit it off,” Mathews said. “He would want to talk to me, and wanted to get some of the patches.

“Last year we made a mini patch jacket for his new baby which was a big hit,” Mathews added.

Over the years, Mathews and his family found success in creating these unique patches—even making some profits, which are ultimately redistributed.

“Any money left over from the patches we donate to charity, Mathews said. “Towards diabetes, cancer, just donating the money.”

When it comes time to finally deliver these patches at games, it is Mathews who makes the trip from section 102 to the top corner of 223 to personally deliver them. It allows him to meet new fans and potentially trade scarves. Even when there are no patches to deliver, he tries to carve out time to interact with visiting supporters before each home game. Well, most visiting supporters; there are some caveats.

“Here’s where I lay down the line,” Mathews started. “Seattle, I only go over to take pictures. Sometimes [I also don’t interact with] San Jose fans because they get a little too riled up.”

Those little moments of trading scarves and interacting with other soccer fans are what Mathews sorely misses right now. These days, most nights are spent anxiously thinking about and awaiting the return of MLS. When that happens, he will be ready to continue making and trading patches while supporting his favorite club. But, until then, Mathews will be at home doing what any other middle-school kid would be doing during this time of social distancing: playing FIFA, brainstorming new ideas for patches, and holding out hope that, for the first time, he won’t have to worry about school on his birthday.

Categories
Soccer Thorns

PTFCats: Meet Missy and Olive

From Charlie, Chistine Sinclair’s legendary Pomeranian, to Gabby Seiler’s Thor—who has his own Instagram account—it’s hard to argue that the pets of the Portland Thorns aren’t well-documented. However, it’s significantly easier to make the case that the vast majority—if not all—of this content centers around dogs. 

As a cat person who suddenly has a lot of time on my hands, I thought I’d push back against that trend and give a little attention to a pair of PTFC cats.

Becky Sauerbrunn, an exciting addition to the Thorns this offseason and a known cat lover, began fostering her current cats during her FC Kansas City days. A member of the Blue Crew, FCKC’s supporters’ group, worked at an animal hospital, and a number of players on the Kansas City squad were fostering animals from them. The players—who were only provided with housing when they were in season—got a pet while they were in market, and the animals got a temporary home. Sauerbrunn was among these players; she took in Missy, Olive, and their brother T-Pain in 2016.

While living under the care of Sauerbrunn, T-Pain was adopted. Sauerbrunn was resolute in her reaction, choosing to adopt T-Pain’s sisters herself. “I decided I wasn’t dealing with that sadness any more than I had to,” she tells me over email. “I convinced (guilt-tripped) my boyfriend into agreeing to it. And the rest is history.”

So began the era of Missy and Olive.

Missy (left in the photo above) is easily the more outgoing of the two. She’s the one who will welcome strangers and beg them for attention, while Olive, in stereotypical black cat form, will make herself scarce. “Missy is the type of cat who will greet you, meow constantly for pets, and climb right on your lap when you sit down,” says Sauerbrunn. 

Sauerbrunn likens Missy to Emma Woodhouse, the protagonist of Jane Austen’s Emma. She points to Wikipedia’s description of Woodhouse to back this up: “a beautiful, high-spirited, intelligent, and ‘slightly’ spoiled young woman.” While, admittedly, I’ve never read the book, this seems like an apt characterization of the cat who wakes Sauerbrunn up at 7:00 a.m. with a paw to the face, purring (or who licks Sauerbrunn’s arm as she types a response to me, trying to convince her to reposition so she can take her rightful seat in Sauerbrunn’s lap).

Where Missy takes center stage, Olive is initially more on the periphery; Sauerbrunn compares her to Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter. “Early in the series he’s a little underestimated, flies under the radar, seems like a good dude but remains in the periphery of the main story,” she explains. “But, by the end, he’s leading Dumbledore’s Army, killing off a horcrux, and becoming a fan favorite. Olive has that effect on people.”

Developing appreciation goes both ways when it comes to Olive. People gradually warm up to her and she to them. “You have to earn her trust,” Sauerbrunn says, “and that takes time to prove that your intentions are pure. But when you earn that trust, you’re one of her humans for life and she’ll bless you with her amazing companionship.”

When it comes to the relationship between Missy and Olive, Missy loves to be the one in charge. “[She] will taunt and tease and pick fights with Olive, says Sauerbrunn. “But if you mess with Olive in any way, and Olive gives off any distress sign, Missy comes running and will literally fight the person.”

She describes an instance in which Olive wouldn’t leave a patch of sensitive skin alone, and Sauerbrunn’s boyfriend, Zola Short, attempted to put a soft cone around Olive’s neck to limit her access to the spot. Missy, sensing Olive’s discomfort, rushed to the rescue, executing a flying backwards kick that brought her into contact with Short’s stomach and forced him to release Olive. “I know I should’ve been more concerned for Zola,” Sauerbrunn recalls, “but I was just so proud of Missy that I couldn’t stop smiling.”

The love between Sauerbrunn and her cats is undisputedly mutual. “I thought that initially they’d be thrilled and then eventually the novelty would fade away and they’d leave us alone and go do cat stuff,” she says when asked how Missy and Olive are reacting to her being home more. “I was way wrong. They don’t leave us alone.”

Categories
Soccer Thorns

This Magic Moment

“Do you know what? Yeah. It might take us a while to get to where we want to get to, but we’re gonna get there, and you can just remember this fucking goal.”

When the Thorns aired their first-ever home game, against the Reign, last weekend, I recognized almost nothing. Christine Sinclair, of course, was there, looking roughly the same as she had since 2005 and also roughly the same as she looks today. Other than her? Any familiar faces were shuffled out of place. Mana Shim sat on the bench, anonymous. Michelle Betos was in goal for the other team. Alex Morgan, well—that’s an article unto itself, the story of who Alex Morgan was in Portland, who people thought she was, who they wanted her to be, how they remember her today. Allie Long, I guess, was more or less the same player, but she didn’t look the same.

Weirdly, the Seattle Reign, in terms of personnel anyway, felt more familiar. The team underwent massive turnover between 2013 and 2014, but the bones of who they would be over the next few years were already in place. There was Laura Harvey, of course; on the field, there were Lu Barnes, Elli Reed, Keelin Winters, Jess Fishlock.

Ah, Jess Fishlock.

It’s strange to think that we ever didn’t know who Fishlock was, but back then, of course, pretty much nobody in the states did. This was the curse of coming from a country like Wales in 2013—even avid women’s soccer fans simply had no way of watching her. On that day, the commentators (Ann Schatz, may god bless her and keep her, was another familiar feature of that broadcast) explained we should watch the woman who looked kind of, but not really, like Megan Rapinoe.

The crowd didn’t know yet who Fishlock was, how they were supposed to respond to her, but on some instinctive level, she knew exactly who she was to them. “I love a big crowd,” she says of Providence Park. “It’s like a cauldron in there. It’s amazing.”

This is the thing about Fishlock: in her own way, she loves Portland, and Thorns fans, whether they admit it or not, need her. A villain, like a photographic negative, forms and sharpens a club’s vision of itself. Without an antagonist, there’s no reason to watch.

Photo by Nikita Taparia

Fishlock announced herself quickly that day. Despite playing for what would turn out to be an abysmal Reign side—”I already knew by that point it was going to be a slog,” she remembers—she was the best player on the field, for either team.

If you’re reading this, you probably don’t want to hear that. Keep in mind, though, that the actual soccer in the NWSL in 2013 was really rather bad. Few players could quite control the ball; fewer still could reliably pass it along the ground to another player.

Amid the chaos, Fishlock gave us a glimpse into the future. She was physical, of course, but unlike with the thoughtless and often bizarre violence being carried out by those around her (on both sides), there was a purpose to everything she did. As the game went on, she was clearly frustrated, but she was also laser-focused. Her frustration only seemed to sharpen her. This player—physical, athletic, wildly competitive, but incredibly skilled—was the embodiment of what the NWSL would become over the next six years. She was the ideal NWSL player before the NWSL really existed.

As the Thorns went up a goal, then two goals, as 16,000 fans clapped and sang and reveled in seeing their new team for the first time, she knew what had to happen.

“I don’t want us to leave here,” she remembers thinking, “and have them have a clean sheet… We were like, ‘fuck’—excuse my French—we were just like, ‘fuck, if we’re gonna lose, fine, we’re gonna fucking lose, but we’re gonna fucking score. Like, because we’re gonna make sure that these [the fans] are like, dead silent for like, a millisecond.’”

And then, right on cue, she did, cleanly slotting a half-volley just inside the post as Winters knocked Nikki Marshall over. Just as Fishlock had planned, the stadium was silent for a heartbeat. She pounded the crest on her shirt and pumped her fist, and Providence Park erupted.

Photo by Nikita Taparia

Fishlock is the perfect villain not because she’s physical, or even because she dives, but because she is undeniably very, very good. There was no shortage of fouls in that game, but if that was what mattered, Kaylyn Kyle would have been marked down as an enemy, too. What mattered was the goal—the spoiling of the Thorns’ home debut.

That moment, in retrospect, would prove more definitional for the Thorns—not as a team, necessarily, but as a club—than anything else that happened that season, including the championship win. It was as if everyone in the stadium, in unison, suddenly remembered a fundamental fact about the world. Here is our team; here is our enemy. Thus has it always been, and thus shall it ever be.

The end of that season ushered in an era of rapid change in Portland. Cindy Parlow Cone left. Paul Riley arrived in a whirlwind, then blew away in a cloud of dust. Kat Williamson left, then came back, then retired, Vero Boquete and Jessica McDonald both spent short, magnificent stints in Portland, Nadine Angerer became a fixture. Through it all, Thorns fans made regular pilgrimages to a concrete relic in the shadow of the Space Needle, hoping that this time they’d get to drive home victorious, fixing their ire on the diminutive Welshwoman when they didn’t.


A play in three acts:

“I actually miss her,” Nash Drake, the Thorns fan who composed the first tweet above, confessed to me. “The thing about Fishlock is that she understands what rivalry means… It’s kind of like two guys sitting around drinking beer and hitting each other.”

This is rivalry in its highest form: a drama that goes on as long as there’s something for it to go on about, but which both sides, at the end of the day, know they’re choosing to participate in. It’s real, but it’s also not real. We’re doing it because it’s fun.

Wouldn’t it be a shame if it turned out we couldn’t all be friends?

Categories
Soccer Timbers

Soccer in the Time of Social Distancing

I don’t think it will come as a surprise to anyone that, given the state of the world, I have been struggling to collect myself and write about the good, good game. Still, when the Timbers’ re-aired their first-ever Major League Soccer home game, I vowed to shake off the malaise that had settled over me and write something about it.

It didn’t go great.

I struggled to watch the game, let alone write about it, and as the hours passed with no movement I decided to record snippets of what was going through my head.

*

I can’t even think about soccer right now. 

Attempts to think back about the beginning of the Timbers’ season are met in my mind by a white void, full of nothing but static and anxiety. 

I try to focus on the Timbers’s second match of 2020—their last match before all this took hold—and I know it was a 1-0 win. As I try to summon the match more fully to mind I find myself staring at my gloved hands, still glistening with a sheen of evaporating alcohol from the wipe I just used to disinfect my desk after a co-worker borrowed my workstation.

“I’m not sick,” he said.

“That’s not how this works,” I replied, exasperated.

It eventually comes to me. Diego Valeri on the volley. Sixty minutes of compact, defensive soccer. A reasonable fear of Walker Zimmerman at the back post. Three points.

**

Executive Order No. 20-12 has been announced.

Work has slowed to a halt and I find myself listening to podcasts as I wait to see how many more people I have to interact with today. I clean and count product, losing myself in the repetition and in the podcasts that play through the one earbud I have in.

Every soccer podcast that I listen to has become a movie review podcast. It is fine.

***

When I get home I sit on the couch and time passes swiftly.

Hummus and pita as something flickers on the television.

I know should watch the rebroadcast Timbers game, their first home match since joining MLS. I should rouse myself. I should write something.

More sitting. More screens.

Tonight, this is as close as I get.

****

I remember Jorge Perlaza’s goal. 

Not so much the goal itself, although through repeated viewing over the last ten years it has been seared into my mind, but my feelings at the moment that it occurred.

Standing in the North End, drunk, after hours in line. Waving a flag too long. The rain.

The wild elation when Perlaza slots past Sean Johnson. Jumping up and down like a maniac. Hugging my best friend on one side. Hugging a stranger on the other.

*****

It is two days later and I am finally watching the match. My eyes are heavy from a combination of stress and allergies, but as the game begins I perk up.

I like this team. Captain Jack. Kenny Fucking Cooper. Futty. Rodney. Kalif.

But it is not just the RCTID folk heroes that bring a smile to my face. There is future Chivas USA survivor Steve Purdy; rock-solid Eric Brunner, whose career was cut short by concussions; and Jorge, the Timbers’ first Colombian.

Even James “Non-soccer Reasons” Marcelin and Jeremy “no-nickname-found” Hall warm my heart.

******

Ten minutes in and Cooper is dancing around Chicago players as though he weighed no more than a feather. This is the Kenny Cooper that we forget.

Moments later that dribbling has lead to nothing as Cooper fires a shot or a pass or maybe just an ill-timed muscle spasm off the leg of a defender and up into the air. This is the Kenny Cooper that we remember.

*******

Twenty-five minutes in and I am struck by how comforting it is to have a team full of imposing players. 

In the 2011 home opener, the Timbers starting XI averaged just over 6’1”. In the 2020 home opener, the Timbers starting XI averaged a smidge over 5’10”.

The difference is stark on every contested header.

********

Twenty-nine minutes in and the goal comes. It is everything I wanted it to be.

Rodney to Kalif to Jorge. Cut inside. Pass the ball into the net.

I watch the cameras panning over wildly celebrating fans and pick out my best friend, waving a scarf in the air. He is just on the edge of the screen, but I can still make him out and I can tell that the one arm projecting from behind a waving flag: that is me.

*********

Thirty-one minutes in and Timber Joey is cutting his first slab off the log in the MLS era. Except, it looks like it might turn out to be a wedge rather than a slab.

**********

Thirty-eight minutes in and Rodney Wallace scores the goal that should have announced his presence to everyone in the North End. But in 2011 Rodney was playing left back and we all knew that left back goals are not repeatable.

***********

Forty-seven minutes in and Jorge Perlaza has scored his second goal of the night. He will go on to score only four more for the Timbers before being traded away midway through the 2012 season.

That is a bummer.

My god, it is raining hard.

************

Sixty-five minutes in and Kalif Alhassan looks so much worse than I remember.

He has so very many ideas and so little chance at executing them. Here he takes a shot on the volley that if he could connect with it would instantly be in the running for the best goal a Timbers player has ever scored. (Sorry, Darlington. Sorry, Diego.) But he never connects.

*************

Eighty-one minutes in and Marco Pappa scores that goal that Kalif wishes he had scored. 

Pappa would go on to score once more against the Timbers: two years later for the Seattle Sounders during the Timbers’ abysmal 2014 season.

**************

Eighty-four minutes in and Futty scores the most 2011 Timbers goal possible: a flailing, stumbling, possibly double hand-ball that somehow emerged from the midst of no less than five defenders to end up over the line.

That is the 2011 that I remember.

***************

Eighty-seven minutes in and Darlington Nagbe has been on the pitch for several minutes now. He is only 20. He looks so little as the Timbers Army chant “Fools Rush In”.

****************

Ninety minutes in and the Timbers Army are singing “Tetris” but they are not Tetris-ing. This makes sense as Tetris-ing was not yet a thing in 2011, but there remains something strange about not seeing a mass of people bouncing back and forth as the song is sung.

The little differences like this are adding up. 2011 was a long time ago.

*****************

The game is over and I am left with a little bit of sadness. 

In a year’s time, this team would be largely unrecognizable going into the hellmouth that was the 2012 season. And by the end of that year, only a handful of the players that were there at the beginning would remain. Now not a single player from the 2011 Timbers home opener is still on the roster.

The first years of every expansion team are full of upheaval. Everything comes and goes as the club struggles to figure out who they are.

In April of 2011 the Timbers were a team fueled by the crowd and the rain and the smell of fresh sawdust.

Categories
Soccer Thorns

I Was 12 When the Thorns Won in 2013

I didn’t watch the first Thorns home game live; I didn’t see them claim the 2013 NWSL Championship. I keep joking that it’s because I was, like, 12 at the time, but I need to stop doing that because I literally was 12. Or rather, I was 11 when the season started and turned 12 halfway through. And although this “PTFC: From the Archives” series means I’m catching these matches for the first time, I can still reminisce about when I started following the team, about the shitty YouTube streams and what it feels like to grow up in a city that takes so much pride in women’s soccer.

I wasn’t really a “soccer kid” growing up; I played because my friends did, but just on rec teams (barring a brief stint with a club that was so small that we didn’t really get the benefits of playing club soccer). I watched the USWNT lose the 2011 World Cup Final in a penalty shootout to Japan—at the request of my dad, not because I knew anything about the team.

Regardless of my lack of investment at the time, I knew that women’s soccer existed in Portland: we launched a professional team in 2013, they were good, and people cared about them (and they cared about them a lot).

I didn’t get into soccer until the 2015 World Cup, until the Gals pulled out a 2-0 semifinal victory over a very skilled German squad and went on to win the final match within the game’s first 20 minutes, until Abby Wambach embraced Sarah Huffman on live television and someone watching with me commented that they looked like such good friends.

After the tournament, I turned to where I knew I could support women’s soccer more locally: the Thorns. I was enthralled by the energy of the Riveters, by the electric atmosphere at Providence Park, by players like Mana Shim who were like me in a way that I was still struggling to name. The culture around women’s soccer embraced community in a way that was unfamiliar to my just-out-of-middle-school self; there was a sense of “come as you are and we will welcome you.”

In 2015, I also started high school. I won’t go into all that here, but the change of scenery brought newfound freedom and friends, including people who were in the same unsure and messy place as I was. And while freshman year was downright unpleasant for the most part, it was healing to have people in my life who were in that same period of questioning—maybe not questioning, but coming to terms with a fact about ourselves that we’d tried to push away for so long.

Between friends and the community I found in women’s soccer, I reached a place where I could feel okay about being a lesbian. I discovered there is something powerful in solidarity. And I became an NWSL fan in the process. 

Because beyond the Megan Rapinoes—the big names who were unapologetic in their gayness—beyond the players and fans that crafted a space that was, and (for the most part) is, a bubble where queer people are free to exist, women’s soccer is fun. The NWSL loves to tout its parity and, while the same handful of clubs seem to be the ones in postseason every year, there’s something enticing about knowing that the last-place Boston Breakers can pull out two wins over defending champion FC Kansas City, even if FCKC wasn’t quite the same without Lauren Holiday. (While we’re here, let’s take a moment of silence in memory of both these teams.)

And there’s something captivating about the Thorns: adorned in red kits with the Riveters at their backs, cheering as Adrianna Franch pulls out a save that maybe shouldn’t be physically possible, or as Tobin Heath befuddles yet another defender. It feels fitting to see that same celebrity awarded to players who don’t have the international pedigree of Christine Sinclair—to Shim and Kat Williamson, Midge Purce and Emily Menges. There’s something fulfilling in the Riveters’ unwavering support for the Thorns and for each other.

I joined my high school’s newspaper halfway through junior year—I had a free period, and I’d heard good things about the class. For something I essentially started on a whim, journalism has redefined the lens through which I view the world and myself, providing me with a sense of identity that centers around saying what I believe in, and giving me the tools and platform to do so.

I began writing about women’s soccer last year. At the encouragement of a friend, I reached out to Tyler on Twitter and asked if Stumptown Footy would consider a high school student as a contributor. The rest is pretty well-documented online.

Writing about women’s soccer, elevating the stories of the people who play it (or in this case, my own story), makes me feel like I have a purpose in the world. Covering the Thorns is wonderful, but it’s also weird and frustrating to do something I enjoy and to know that it’s not—and probably never will be—a viable career. Nevertheless, this is something I want to do as long as I can, because the community we have in Portland is extraordinary. 

Within the players on the pitch and the photographers along the sidelines, from the artists and drummers and capos and yellers that make up the Riveters to the handful of us in the press box, Providence Park brings us together and makes us something bigger than ourselves.

Categories
Soccer Thorns

185

Ed. note: this article originally appeared in the June 2019 print edition of Howler. Since the time of publication, obviously, certain facts, including the one big fact, have changed. We have presented it unedited. Enjoy!


Stripped down to its essential components, soccer is an incredibly simple game. The point is to put the ball through a specified rectangle of air, delineated by a set of goalposts, more times than the other team. So if you want to define who the best soccer players are, there’s one easy, reductively simple answer: they’re the ones who score the most goals.

Which means that at the international level, the best player of all time is retired American forward Abby Wambach.

Wambach scored 184 goals in her 256 caps, which works out to just over .7 goals per game. She scored her first on April 27, 2002, in a friendly against Finland, and her last on August 19, 2015, in a World Cup victory tour friendly against Costa Rica.

On the field, Wambach was a striker’s striker, about as pure a target woman as they come, her game centered around pace, athleticism, and strength. She was a masterful header of the ball, making what should be a blunt instrument look like a finely honed weapon, using it to score over and over, often in spectacular fashion. Off the field, she could be brash and occasionally guileless, epitomizing, both as a person and a player, the rah-rah ethos of American soccer: run fast, jump high, and never, ever give up.

It’s a curious thing, then, that just below her on the list of top international goal scorers is a soft-spoken, self-effacing Canadian named Christine Sinclair, a player who represents, existentially if not quite athletically, Wambach’s exact opposite.

Sinclair is quiet where Wambach was loud, shrinks from attention where Wambach has cheerfully done the cable talk circuit, leads by example where Wambach was known for curse-filled pump-up speeches. Sinclair is, well, Canadian. And if she breaks her American colleague’s record, she will likely stand in perpetuity as, by the most literal definition possible, the greatest international soccer player of all time.


Canada Soccer once sent out a tweet reading simply:

Christine Sinclair

It was probably an accident, but as with so many great inventions, that doesn’t diminish its perfection. Those two words, and the negative space left by all the words that are absent, capture everything you need to know about Sinclair, which is that she’s a player so good and so far beyond reproach that her name itself is content. It also perfectly encapsulates what she is to Canadian soccer, which is to say: everything.


I.

Canada, of course, that frozen expanse to the north, is a hockey country. This is important for our purposes for several reasons.

First: like the United States and Australia, Canada is a country whose women’s soccer team ranks much, much higher in the global pecking order than their men’s team (those countries’ men rank 25th, 42nd, and 79th, respectively, while their women rank first, fifth, and sixth). That all three of these countries are members of the wealthy Global North whose citizenries have quite different sporting obsessions than the rest of the world is probably not a coincidence when it comes to women’s soccer—these are countries with resources to put into girls’ and women’s sports, where girls tend to be pushed out of more culturally significant athletic pursuits and into soccer.

Second: in women’s soccer, the difference in quality between the top few teams and everyone else is much, much starker than on the men’s side. Picture men’s and women’s soccer as separate landmasses. One has a nice, broad continental shelf extending out into the ocean, while the other ends in a sheer underwater cliff dropping straight into the abyssal zone. In this metaphor, on the women’s soccer continent, the United States is on land, while a handful of others, including France, England, Australia, and Canada—the only teams that can realistically hope to challenge the Americans in any given match—are fighting it out on a narrow beach.

That relates to Canada being a hockey country in that even though the Canadian women fall into that narrow shallow zone, they are still well below the level of the top-ranked USA. There’s a long-lived rivalry between the two neighbors, but it’s an extremely lopsided one, mainly significant in that it tends to bring out bad blood on both sides. The last time Canada won was in 2006; the two teams have faced each other 25 times since.

All this is to say, first, that Christine Sinclair would only have been possible in a few countries on earth, but more importantly, that she has personally made Canadian soccer what it is.


Christine Sinclair is related—she’s not sure exactly how—to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (“His mom is like, my dad’s great-aunt or something like that,” she says). I’m not sure if there’s a family resemblance, but it’s easy to squint a little and convince yourself there might be. They have the same dark hair, the same bright blue eyes.

They met once, in the run-up to the 2016 Olympics, when the team was in Ottawa, and Sinclair reported being surprised that Trudeau knew who she was. The team posed for a group photo with the Prime Minister on Parliament Hill, and she gave him a jersey with his name on it.


II.

If you ever happen to meet the Canadian captain, don’t tell her that (the part about personally building the Canadian national team, not the Justin Trudeau thing). She’ll deny it, and when she does, it won’t be out of false modesty, or even genuine modesty, but real pride in her teammates. And of course, saying she’s done everything herself is hugely hyperbolic, and does a disservice to a lot of very good Canadian players. The plain fact, though, is that Sinclair is by far the best soccer player Canada has ever produced.

To be clear, I mean much more that Sinclair, who would be a legend regardless of what country she came from, is good than I mean that Canada isn’t good. It’s just that coming from where she comes from, she elevates her team in a way someone like Wambach, playing alongside a half-dozen other players deserving of various superlatives, never did.

The game that best illustrates what Sinclair is to Canadian soccer is their semifinal loss in the 2012 Olympics against—who else?—the United States. It’s the game that Sinclair herself identifies as the moment women’s soccer arrived in her homeland. “Looking back on it,” she told me, “it’s probably the first time that Canadians truly, like, cared about how we did.”

It’s not hard to see why it had that effect. Played at Old Trafford, the game was an instant classic, the two teams trading goals until literally the last minute before the final whistle of extra time.

“We waited a long time to be able to compete with the Americans on that stage,” Sinclair remembers. “To have Canada finally reach that level and be able to hold our own against the number one team in the world, blow for blow.”

What she would never point out herself is that she’s the one who scored all three of Canada’s goals, very nearly sending the game to penalties and making her one of just three players1 to ever score a hat trick against the United States.

She opened the scoring in the 22nd minute, running onto a lateral flick from Melissa Tancredi, taking one deceptively simple, perfect touch as she charged forward and beat Rachel Buehler, then another as she cut right around Kelley O’Hara. With her third touch, she threaded a shot expertly between a diving Hope Solo and the far posther 141st career international goal.

Early in the second half, Megan Rapinoe equalized (with a fucking olimpico, of all things), and for the next 40-odd minutes, it was all-out war. Sinclair put Canada up again, then Rapinoe equalized a second time, then Sinclair put Canada up a third time. After a controversial penalty put away late in regulation by—who else?—Abby Wambach, the game headed to extra time with the two teams level 3-3.

Finally, in the 123rd goddamned minute, Alex Morgan took advantage of a moment of indecision by keeper Erin McLeod to head home a cross by Heather O’Reilly. The whistle blew. Canada’s gold medal hopes were over.

In the American soccer mythos, that final goal is remembered as a moment of classic USWNT heroism. A game that almost ended in heartbreak, saved in the final seconds because the gals just wouldn’t give up.

It’s all horribly predictable. The American women have won like this so many times, in so many big moments. In a movie version of the tournament, with the USA as the protagonists, you’d write it exactly like this, and critics would say it was a little on the nose.

I would also be remiss if I didn’t note that the officiating in this game was infamously one-sided, so I’ll unpack exactly what I mean by “controversial penalty.” It was the result of a questionable handball call when Rapinoe kicked an inside-the-18 free kick directly into Marie-Eve Nault. That free kick, in turn, was awarded for a bizarre time-wasting call against McLeod—after Wambach had spent the half counting out loud within earshot of the referee. There was also the missed handball call against Rapinoe earlier in the game, which I won’t get into.

For Canada, of course, the loss was crushing. But there were two positives:

  • They went on to beat France and win bronze.
  • Back in Canada, that vast, wild land where hockey reigns, four million Canadians saw Christine Sinclair score a hat trick against the US, and they saw how close her team came to beating the best in the world, and they began to see this tall, powerful woman as a national hero.

1As far as we know; there are two games where the US conceded at least three goals, against England in 1985 and against the Netherlands in 1991, for which we have no information on who scored (thanks to Jen Cooper for the stats).


Christine Sinclair has a Pomeranian named Charlie. She comes from a small-dog rescue near Portland, where she originally bore the name Cocoa Puff, something her owner says she “never envisioned [herself] calling a dog.” The name Charlie is a tribute to Clive Charles, the legendary University of Portland coach who played for the NASL Timbers with two of Sinclair’s uncles and led her college team to a championship in 2002. Sinclair would win a second championship with UP in 2005, two years after Charles’s death from prostate cancer.

Charlie’s favorite activities are eating, sleeping, and socializing.


III. 

Although being among the best in the world at a thing obviously requires innate ability, talent isn’t what anyone mentions when they talk about Sinclair. They talk, instead, about how she has always—in every moment she spends working on being a soccer player—dedicated herself to doing things as well as she possibly can.

“I love that I’ve had the opportunity to watch her,” says Mark Parsons, Sinclair’s head coach with the Portland Thorns, “because if I hadn’t, I would have thought Sinc was born to do this. And by seeing it, you realize this was man-made. This was all about her purposeful practice, her dedication, her preparation, her commitment. When other players missed the recovery, she’s doing recovery. When other players missed evaluating, watching films back, or practicing the shot [they] missed, when they miss it and they’re like ‘oh, it doesn’t matter, I’ll get it the next game,’ she’s doing [those things.]”

Sinclair’s training habits are a study in the pursuit of mastery. Like a concert violinist who spends an hour a day playing open-string exercises, or an Olympic weightlifter who practices snatches and clean-and-jerks with a broomstick, she has never stopped focusing on the most basic building blocks of her craft.

Thorns teammate Emily Menges described this to me. “We do touches sometimes for practice and it’s this close,” she said, standing a few feet away. “Little touches. It’s easy to be like, ‘this is boring, whatever,’ but every single one of her touches is absolutely perfect… Maybe I take a first touch and that’s what I’m worried about, is my first touch… But she’s very much like, ‘here’s my first touch, and then I have to make sure Emily has a good touch.’”

This meticulous focus, day after day, year after year, is what has made Sinclair one of the best of all time, and it has also probably contributed to her longevity as a player.

Comparing Sinclair with Wambach purely in terms of scoring rates, there’s a tortoise-and-hare dynamic. Wambach had a 14-year international career; this is Sinclair’s 19th year representing Canada. Sinclair started earlier, getting her first cap at just 16, and despite now being the age Wambach was when she retired, shows no sign she’s ready to hang up her cleats.

By this point in her career, Wambach had just taken a few months off from her club, the Western New York Flash, supposedly to focus on preparing for the 2015 World Cup—it was never clear why she didn’t consider the best preparation for a big soccer tournament to be actually playing soccer—and, perhaps as a result, showed up in Canada in what counted for her as very poor form2. Meanwhile, Sinclair has kept training and playing as she always has, and has stayed absolutely central to both the Thorns and the Canadian national team.

Several years ago, age started to take a toll on Sinclair’s sprinting speed, but where a lesser player might have kept grasping at the style she played at age 23 only to start slowly fading into obsolescence, she adapted her game, dropping into the number ten slot for both club and country. She still scores, but where before she preferred to charge toward goal at full speed, today she sits between lines and sets up her teammates with a final, immaculate pass as often as she shoots.

That positional shift has slowed down her scoring rate somewhat, but she’s still chipping away, inching ever closer to the record—and it’s arguably made her an even more essential piece than before for both club and country. It’s in part because she is perfectly content to step back, literally, from the front, that she has stayed one of the best in the world for so long.

2It has to be said here that not training or playing regularly with a team for eight-odd months and showing up to a World Cup capable of playing international soccer at all is still an incredible athletic achievement, one that says a lot about how good Wambach was.


Christine Sinclair is on a postage stamp. Designed for the 2015 World Cup, it also features Canada teammate Kadeisha Buchanan and Japanese keeper Ayumi Kaihori. Menges, her Thorns roommate on road trips, found out about this while the Canadian captain was recording an episode of a podcast called Arrow Living produced by Kendall Johnnson, another former Thorns teammate. It’s a wonderful scene. Johnson reads a list of Sinclair’s many awards and accomplishments, and when she gets to “you got a postage stamp of your face in 2015 for the World Cup,” Menges says, “no way!” in the background. A few minutes later, Menges announces she has bought her friend’s stamp on eBay. She still has it.


IV.

If Sinclair beats Wambach, her record will likely stand in perpetuity. To understand why that is, consider the fact that the top eight international goal scorers are all women. Iran’s Ali Daei, with 109 international goals to his name, is the only man with at least 100, a club that currently includes 16 women. Remember the two continents, one gently sloping into the sea, the other a rocky, craggy landmass surrounded by churning ocean?

Although both Wambach and Sinclair are among the very best to ever step onto a soccer field, the enormous volume of goals they have scored has as much to do with those rocks and crags—with the uneven, sometimes bizarre geography of women’s soccer—as it does with their skill as players.

Scorelines that are more or less unheard of in men’s soccer are fairly commonplace in women’s soccer. In the CONCACAF World Cup qualifying tournament this past fall, for example, the USA and Canada each won at least two games with scores of six or more goals to none; Canada beat Cuba, who did not score a single goal in the tournament, 12-0. Both Sinclair’s and Wambach’s goal tallies—along with those of Mia Hamm, Kristine Lilly, Birgit Prinz, and many others—have had a big boost from those kinds of matches over the years.

The other factor to understand is that this kind of drastic inequality is shifting, if slowly and often painfully. A couple decades ago, the continent of women’s soccer was a tiny island; only a handful of countries even fielded teams, and those countries got enough of a head start over everyone else that they dominated the sport for years.

It’s because of this incremental but steady growth in the women’s game that no one is likely to come anywhere near 184 ever again. That World Cup qualifying tournament was a fluke for Canada’s schedule (somewhat less so for the US, whose federation is still happy to throw some real cupcakes into the mix of the dozen-plus friendlies they play each year); outside of official CONCACAF tournaments, where Canada is a big fish in a tiny pond, they’ve only won by more than two goals twice in the last three years. There is still a huge amount of inequality in the women’s game, but the federations that regularly field women’s sides now have enough real competition that there’s no reason to schedule friendlies against teams they’re going to drop a half-dozen goals on.


In 2017, Christine Sinclair was awarded the Order of Canada, her country’s second-highest civilian honor, something her Thorns teammates refer to as “getting knighted.” They learned about the award without any help from the woman who earned it.

“My teammates are dorks,” explains Sinclair. “They’re like, ‘do we have to call you queen now?’ So I try and keep those things quiet from them. I’d just hear about it all the time.”


V.

If you were to list the most important facts about Christine Sinclair, in order, her goal tally would probably be third on the list. The two facts battling it out for the top spot would be as follows:

  • Is one of the best soccer players of all time
  • Is an almost unbelievably nice person

Sinclair has earned the right to brag, to yell that she’s the best, to take selfish shots when she gets the chance. But if she was the kind of person who did those things, she would not be in the position she’s in.

Life—in sports, under capitalism, in nature at large—is a horrifically unfair endeavor. Success is determined as often as not by sheer random chance, and the rest of the time, the thing is fucking rigged.

In this context, Sinclair’s story has an almost religious resonance. Here is this person who got where she is by years of diligent hard work, by playing for everyone except herself, by care and kindness for the people around her. She is never arrogant, she hates the spotlight, she dotes on a little rescued dog named Charlie. She is outstandingly good. She is the kind of person you hope your children will be when they grow up, and not because she’s a world-class athlete.

In a few months’ time, this person could well be—by the most objective measure possible—the best soccer player in the history of the world. The possibility of this small, nice fact coming true makes our big and broken world seem a tiny bit less dark, in that way that soccer occasionally can when it fulfills its most noble aspirations.

Because she is who she is, Sinclair hates talking about the record. She sees it as a distraction, something that will mess with her game if she allows herself to think about it. Nonetheless, when reporters ask her about it, which we always do, she is unfailingly polite. As of a few years ago, she would always say that she didn’t know how many goals she had, something everyone around her believes to have been the truth.

Being just six goals away from Wambach, she can no longer block out that knowledge completely. She knows exactly where she stands. When I asked Sinclair if she cared about the record, she took a long pause. “I mean, I think so. I’m this close,” she said. “Yeah, I think it would be, like, a shame not to at this point… Just one of those things that nobody could take away from you.”

Categories
Soccer Timbers

A Month (At Least) Without Soccer

It’s been an awfully strange past few weeks in the world of sports.

Just two weeks ago, the Portland Timbers played against Nashville SC in their second home game of the 2020 MLS season. There were clear areas that needed improvement, but they won 1-0 and claimed an important three points before a challenging two-game road trip. Little did players know that those 90 minutes would be their final time stepping onto the field at Providence Park until at least late spring.

The coronavirus, formally known as COVID-19, is a virus that has, so far, infected over 250,000 people and killed more than 10,000. Over the past week, the virus forced nearly all sports worldwide to come screeching to a halt; people have been told to avoid large gatherings to prevent further spread.

After the Nashville game, the Timbers closed off their locker room to the media, instead opting to bring players to the press conference room individually. On March 12, MLS officials announced that its season, just two weeks old at that point, would be suspended for 30 days. A week later, the league pushed the timeline back even further, giving an optimistic restart date of May 10 with a training moratorium lasting until March 27.

“These are times that are very difficult,” head coach Giovanni Savarese told reporters via a video conference call on Friday. “Our generation hasn’t gone through this type of situation, so every day we have a new challenge, but the good thing is that everybody is in constant communication to make sure that we always know if someone is in need of something.”

The communication between players and coaching staff has been important, as players have been advised to stay in Portland. Through the Kitman Labs Athlete app, members of the Timbers can enter their exercises and communicate with one another daily while training at their respective homes. Players also have their own training plans, designed by the strength and conditioning staff, and have recently been given stationary bikes. The coaching staff is making every effort to keep in constant communication with each individual.

In addition to working with players, Savarese and the Timbers organization are in constant communication with the league office and other organizations throughout MLS in order to check-in and talk about any potential updates. At times over the past week, Savarese has even talked with other coaches and professionals overseas to gain a more global view of how teams are dealing with this crisis.

“We are making sure that we are seeing what the other clubs are doing and that we can share ideas, how to go in the best scenario possible,” Savarese said.

At this time, nobody within the Timbers organization has exhibited any symptoms of COVID-19. With limited state-wide tests, the team is making sure that players are only tested if it is absolutely necessary.

“We’re also very diligent to make sure that we only test players when we know that there’s something that might show some symptoms because we want to make sure that we don’t overstress the situation,” Savarese said. “We know there are many people that need the testing and that’s why we are making sure we communicate first and we’re thorough with each player. So far, thank God, everybody has been very healthy.”

While players have regimented training plans, all the coaching staff can do is constantly communicate with one another and go through game film. For Savarese, that means watching back the season’s only two games with excruciating attention to detail.

Savarese said that he organized the games into four halves. The ultimate goal, according to him, is maintaining the level that they played at in the first half against Minnesota United. His ideal style of play is one that is high-pressing, always on the front foot, and creative in possession. However, that style doesn’t always fit this roster, which is why oftentimes when the team opens up, they find themselves allowing too much space in the back that other teams ultimately capitalize on. Against Nashville, Savarese said that the team needed to be better on the ball in the first half, and mentioned that, in the second half, the team defended too deep.

“It was a game that we didn’t give up any opportunities to the other team,” Savarese said when asked to reflect on what he’s seen from the tape so far. “We need to be good defensively, but also be better offensively than what we showed against Nashville. I think there are many things that we can improve looking at each player, and I think these are times for reflection and it is important to do that.”

Now, the key word for the Timbers and every team throughout MLS is “adjust.” Within a week, the league went from a suspension of 30 days to 60. How quickly can organizations continue to adjust for a situation that has no known end-date? Portland’s coaching staff prepared plans to train on Monday in small groups, but that no longer is a possibility. What will happen when the league eventually restarts play? That much is still unknown, but, in the real world, these questions don’t even compare to the much bigger ones needing to be answered.

Near the end of the 35-minute conference call, Savarese addressed his own family, many of whom reside in Venezuela and Italy. He touched on relatives that are police officers currently working in the streets of Bologna, Italy. A cousin of his is afraid because of a neighbor that has contracted the virus. Savarese said that he makes sure to keep in daily communication with his family. These are worrying times, which is why he cannot wait for the distraction of soccer to return. The toughest part is waiting it out.

“Our hearts go out to all of those affected by this situation in one way or another,” Savarese said. “Either by sickness, by financial stress, by not being with their families close by. Our hearts go out to all of them.

“These are difficult times, times that go beyond soccer, and right now our minds are more on making sure we go through this difficult time in the best possible way.”

Categories
Soccer Thorns

“In the Old World, Everyone Had a Show.”

Something I keep thinking about is how with the world on hold, the sport of soccer finds itself in a limbo state where the real thing has ceased to exist, but there is still a vast archive of past games, existing as a discrete, bounded entity with a series of fixed outcomes. PTFC plans to air some of those past games to fill the time while we all huddle in our houses and wait for things to get better.

The nature of sports—what differentiates them from all other forms of entertainment—is that the result isn’t predetermined. Despite our society’s current fixation on avoiding spoilers in everything we consume, there’s no other medium, if you want to call sports a medium, whose entertainment value depends so heavily on finding out an ending. Arguably, that’s the entire point. Thus, the act of watching soccer has undergone a complete ontological reversal, losing its essential sport-ness. No one has any idea when it might un-reverse.

There’s another medium, Vine, that has existed in this state for some time. Short-form video lives on, but actual vines, scripture-like, are a closed and unchangeable body of work. What’s more, since the platform itself—the “place” they once lived—is dead, their existence is mediated through human memory. What was originally a social and exploratory medium, a place we went to have new things thrust in front of our eyes, is now an archive that can only be navigated if we already know what we’re looking for.

This was never how we were meant to consume Vine, but this state gets at something essential about the form. All vines focus on a single idea, a single joke or visual gag. The best ones can be evoked with a single utterance: “look at all those chickens!” or “back at it again at Krispy Kreme.”

All the countless vines that didn’t gain a foothold in our collective memory? Presumably they exist somewhere as data, but they may as well be gone. There is a vast number of vine compilations on YouTube, and according to the naming conventions of the genre, vines that exist in this purgatory are termed “rare.” I find this a delightful turn of phrase, the way it implies that vines exist in a countable form like Pokémon cards or copies of a printed book.

Similarly, soccer games—not all of them, but the vast majority of all the games that have ever been played—are quickly forgotten, except, maybe, for two or three key moments. We mark the goals down, string together a highlight reel, and move on. There’s no way to search, say, for the time Kelley O’Hara cussed out Hayley Raso, or the time Tobin Heath got a cramp and begged a player on the other team to help her stretch her hamstring. Did those things even happen?

What’s even blurrier is what anything that happens in a soccer game means. We all remember that McCall Zerboni once stepped on Shea Groom as she lay prone on the ground in Providence Park. But why? Does that make her a bad person? What does the step, and our reaction to the step, say about us, or about the people closer to Zerboni?

In this specific sense, both Vine and soccer—especially women’s soccer, with its patchy history, its long stretches of slapdash recordkeeping—are, paradoxically, oral traditions. The data usually exists somewhere, but when a certain critical mass of data piles up, it ceases to perform its intended function of cataloguing events for later reference. The only way to find these things is to ask everyone you know and hope someone remembers.

This can be incredibly frustrating—if you’ve ever written about soccer, you know that a good chunk of the process is often combing through old game footage, looking for one specific moment you remember seeing—but I also find it rather charming. The sport of soccer is, to begin with, a factual event that happens, but in almost equal measure, it’s a thing constituted by our collective memory. Just as you can only play soccer with other people, you can only watch it, in any meaningful sense, with other people.


There’s a play called Mr. Burns, a Post-Electric Play, that I was a little bit obsessed with for a while after I saw it, I think sometime in 2014. It takes place after the end of the known world, but it focuses on something apocalypse fiction usually ignores in favor of scenes of survival and aestheticized brutality, which is the question of how people would entertain themselves in that new reality.

It’s staged in three acts, the first two depicting the same band of survivors. We see them settle around a campfire and retell an episode of The Simpsons (“Cape Feare,” if you care) to pass the time. By the second act, several years later, they’ve become a traveling band of players who make their living staging the show. Over the years, the episode’s dialogue has mutated a little bit; it’s become clear which jokes were good enough to stick in people’s heads. The third act fast-forwards us a few generations into the future, where, after a decades-long game of telephone, America’s favorite yellow family have become the central figures in a quasi-religious musical production evoking Ancient Greek theater.

Once, all entertainment—reality itself, even—functioned this way. Things simply had to be remembered, or they were lost. But even things that were remembered never got remembered perfectly.

Homeric poets, like keepers of oral literary traditions around the world, didn’t memorize and recite epics verbatim—there was no “verbatim” to speak of, just a series of tellings and retellings. Things were half memorized and half improvised; no two poets would sing a given story the same way, and no individual poet would sing exactly the same thing every time. A more skillful poet would add more detail, use more evocative language. They also adjusted to what they thought their audience on any particular day would like (that’s why the Iliad is so packed with the names of characters who only appear long enough to get stabbed in a heroic way—once upon a time, each of those was a shoutout to some rich guy’s legendary eight-times-great-grandfather).

Maybe soccer isn’t quite as different from other forms of entertainment as we think. First and foremost, it’s about an outcome, suspense followed by revelation. That’s why we keep watching, week after week. But that’s not why we love it, I don’t think; we love it because it’s also about creating a collective myth, something that speaks to how we imagine ourselves and to how we imagine other people. In choosing what to remember, we are telling a story about who we are.

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International Soccer Thorns

What Did it Mean? Looking Back at the 2019 World Cup

Ed. note: this story was intended for publication in October 2019. Due to the vagaries of the media business, it never saw the light of day. We hope you’ll enjoy it as you practice social distancing.


France 2019 will be remembered as a big moment for women’s soccer, I think. In its wake, NWSL attendance experienced what looks—tentatively—more like a rising tide than a wave. In Europe, it catalyzed record sponsorships for clubs and leagues. The hype around it is part of what pushed longtime holdouts from the women’s game, including Real Madrid, to throw their hats in the ring. What’s going to be forgotten—what’s always forgotten about World Cups, on either side of the gender divide—is how much of the competition was brutally sad.

Inequality shapes everything about our world, so of course it also shapes the world’s game, much as we like to believe soccer is a sport that rewards talent, nerve, and perseverance above all. The mythos of the sport says that it only takes a ball to play, and that its heroes come from slums and favelas and banlieues.

And all that—it’s not not true, exactly. Fara Williams really was homeless for six years as a teenager. Nadia Nadim really did learn to play soccer while living in a refugee camp. We love those stories, both because they’re inspiring and because they let us believe soccer exists on a more egalitarian and meritocratic plane of being than ordinary life does.

But at a World Cup, where the teams competing run such a complete gamut from good to bad, rich to poor, the truth comes out. Inequality defines the competition. It’s rarely said directly, because it’s not a nice thing to say, but the majority of the field is always teams that stand literally no chance of winning.

As in every other facet of life, the gap between the haves and the have-nots is bigger on the women’s side than on the men’s side. Plenty has been written on the subject of the massive and universal underinvestment in the women’s game, so rather than repeating any of that, I will simply say that the spectacle of this sport is something I find increasingly hard to participate in.

The social media zeitgeist takes on a specific tone any time there’s a particularly wild game, every tweet screaming “WHAT IS HAPPENING???” and “OH SHIIIIIT!!” I get that this is fun, and I genuinely take no enjoyment in pointing out that too often, at the World Cup, those moments involve teams beset with dysfunction. Australia-Brazil, which ended 3-2, was one such game—Australia, which fired its head coach less than six months before the tournament, edging out Brazil, whose federation has always chosen to pin its hopes on Marta rather than actually investing in the women’s game. The generational talents who have been let down by this sport’s power structures are far too many to name here.

Photo by Nikita Taparia

I could try to list all the other times this tournament broke my heart: the time France got to retake a penalty because VAR ruled that Nigeria’s keeper came off her line a fraction of a second early, and won the game as a result. The time Argentina, the worst-supported team in the tournament, came back from a three-goal deficit against Scotland only to have their hopes at a win—which would have sent them to the knockout stage—dashed when the referee cut stoppage time short.

But there is one moment that serves as the tragic, surreal nadir of the whole thing: Cameroon-England.

The social contract in sport rests on the mandate that losers must lose gracefully. So when things didn’t go Cameroon’s way against England, their reactionnot just complaining, but raging, crying, fouling left and right, looking like they were about to either start a fight or walk off the field—was more shocking than an upset win would have been.

It was the most bizarre spectacle to have taken place on a soccer field in recent memory, and the English press, especially, was eager to decry it as “DISGRACEFUL” and “SHAMEFUL.” The fact that the perpetrators were women no doubt worsened the shock to delicate sensibilities.

Taking a step back and thinking about the gargantuan disparity between these two soccer teams, though, you almost have to wonder that such displays aren’t more common. England is a team of professionals who play in a competitive league that recently received a £10 million sponsorship from Barclay’s. Meanwhile, the top-tier competition in Cameroon is one that has been described by Cameroonian journalist Njie Enow as “an underfunded domestic championship staged in appalling conditions.” These two teams compete under a common set of rules, but that’s the only parity that exists between them.

And as it does everywhere, sexism amplifies such inequality. Every women’s team is underfunded compared with their male counterparts. Federations spend money on the men hoping that investment will bring success, while women’s teams aren’t even noticed until they start winning—if they’re given a chance to play at all.

What Cameroon did was not sportsmanlike—but one effect of sportsmanship is to provide a glossy cover for the profound unfairness that shapes our world. At some point, we have to look in the mirror and ask why we value the appearance of cooperation and equality more than the conditions of players’ lives—more, in other words, than actual cooperation and equality.

Photo by Nikita Taparia

It is at least counterintuitive, and perhaps simply hypocritical of me, to use that moment, the spiritual low point of the World Cup, as framing for what came next.

Heading into the tournament, I did not know how I was going to feel about the US women, the team that, once upon a time, made me fall in love with this sport. The CONCACAF qualifying tournament back in October was an even bleaker showcase of inequality than the group stage of the World Cup, and if the USWNT’s utter dominance in women’s soccer wasn’t embarrassing enough, you may have noticed that this is not an era when it feels particularly good to be an American.

And then, come the knockout rounds, I found myself rooting for them—not resignedly or out of some sense of obligation, but really, from the depths of my heart, wanting this team to win.

If there’s one strictly soccer-related lesson from France 2019, it’s that the US remains, and likely will remain for some time, the best women’s soccer team in the world. It is not close. They had by far the most challenging schedule of any team, and hardly broke a sweat as they beat both France and England. None of the other supposed contenders—Australia, Germany, Japan—ever looked like possible world champions. There should never have been a question that the US was going to repeat their 2015 victory.

All this, of course, epitomizes the unfairness I spent the first half of this essay detailing. We live in the richest and most powerful country on earth, and our women’s national team is the best-supported in the world. We are Goliath and everyone else is David.

But the reason for that huge disparity doesn’t boil down to a simple question of GDP. Of course it does have to do with that, but it also has to do with the fact that 50 years ago, this country did one small thing right for American women, in passing Title IX, which made it normal for girls to play soccer at a time when that was illegal in many traditional footballing countries.

In simply giving girls the opportunity to play sports, this law converted our huge population into a huge player pool, something you can still see in the USWNT’s incomparable depth: the 2019 roster comfortably contains two full lineups that would be in the top five in the world. That says something about who we are as a country, or at least who we aspire to be. I have never had a lot of patriotic feelings, but I’m proud of that.

Photo by Nikita Taparia

Somewhere in the multiverse, there’s a version of earth where women’s soccer is just as popular as men’s, where poverty doesn’t exist, where people can live how they want to live and be who they want to be regardless of where they were born, what they look like, who they love. We do not live in that world. We live in a world where the president of the most powerful country on earth has openly bragged about committing sexual assault.

And in this world, the US women’s national team—the whole institution, but especially this particular US women’s national team—is a rare and special thing. It’s a comfort.

Earlier, I wrote that soccer doesn’t exist on some higher plane where injustice vanishes—and our women’s national team is subject to the coarse vulgarity of sexism and homophobia and racism and everything else. But watching them win the World Cup, it felt like they were above all that.

The 2019 USWNT was the best, on the field, that they have ever been, and I hope it’s not too corny of me to say they were the best off the field, too.

That clip of Megan Rapinoe saying she wasn’t going to the fucking White House? That clip was a month old by the time it blew up on social media. We should never have been talking about it. But so help me, I liked it. The virality of that moment was intentional, and not in a way that benefitted her or her teammates—but she handled it with remarkable grace and composure.

For the first time in their history, this team was not concerned with projecting an image of family-friendly wholesomeness. They swore in public and celebrated with abandon. They were, as a group, incredibly gay. What they projected, instead of the traditional dumbed-down, for-all-the-little-girls-out-there image, was one of strength and outspokenness and pride, as 23 women who play soccer.

Photo by Nikita Taparia

And whatever base stupidity anyone tried to level at them simply bounced off, because they won, and did it in an absolutely clear and irreproachable fashion. Win like that, and you’re untouchable. All the nonsense about the goal celebrations, all memory of our idiot president tweeting at Rapinoe, faded into background noise as they sprayed Budweiser on each other and yelled “I’ma knock the pussy out like fight night!” in unison (it’s a Migos song).

This is the paradox sports present us with. They exist firmly in our mercilessly unfair reality, but at their best, they involve a suspension of disbelief that lets us forget that reality. I hope, without much optimism, that by the next World Cup, our reality might be a little less unfair. But even if it’s not, this tournament is the kind of space that’s much too rare—one where sometimes, good guys win.