Tag: 2021

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Not Soccer Thorns

A Definitive Ranking of the Best Eleven Photos from Thorns Media Day

Simone Charley. Unrelated to the photos from Thorns media day. Photo by Kris Lattimore.

Well, you saw the title of this post. Let’s not waste any time gabbing away, hm?

11.

This one is good because Meaghan Nally’s friends and family get to enjoy her radiant smile, and also her enemies can see how strong and healthy her teeth are to know she will not be easily defeated.

10.

You’re in the front row at a One Direction concert, and Harry Styles points right at you.

9.

Four women who went to Harvard Law are starting a boutique firm together. The office is a casual environment—one of them even brings her dog to work—and they do lots of pro-bono work for low-SES and undocumented clients. “We’re sort of like a family,” they say.

8.

A true story about me is that one time Nadine Angerer called me a “soft egg,” which I guess means I’m squishy and delicate? It wasn’t an insult, but it also wasn’t a compliment. It was just an observation, like everything Germans say. Then she laughed good naturedly like this:

7.

The most popular girl in school asks you to prom. She could have gone with anyone, but she chose you, the eccentric loner who eats lunch in the library and listens to bands no one else has heard of. You’re so different from everyone else, and she just wants to get to know you.

6.

The girl who sits next to you in pre-calc asks you to prom. Your only real interactions are checking your homework together and passing notes about substitute teachers. She knows you don’t know each other very well but she thinks you’re really funny and thought it might be fun to hang out for the night? She really hopes this isn’t weird.

5.

I like this photo because Crystal Dunn is being very clear about what club she plays for.

4.

You’re sixteen years old and you just read one of your poems at an open mic night for the first time. Your big sister is going to college an hour away, and you invited her, but you weren’t sure if she’d come—but she did, and she’s so proud of you.

3.

This season on The Bachelorette:

2.

She is the captain of this battle station and she will gladly crash it into Alpha Centauri before she gives an inch to the insurgent scum, damn it!

1.

Oh, hello. Surprised to see me in your chambers? I’ve been waiting for you. That’s right, I know all about what happened to the queen’s prized jewels. The captain of the guard awaits only my command. You won’t last long in Her Majesty’s dungeon—and just when we were getting to be such good friends! Unless… we can work something out?

Categories
Soccer Thorns

Thorns Sign Finnish Defender Natalia Kuikka

The Thorns have announced the signing of Finnish international Natalia Kuikka. Kuikka is a defender out of Florida State who captained the Seminoles when they won the 2018 NCAA championship. She was projected as a potential top-five pick in the 2019 college draft, but opted out to sign with Kopparbergs/Göteborg FC in the Swedish Damallsvenskan, where she’s currently in her second season.

This signing likely means the Thorns are expecting to lose defenders in the offseason, whether to the expansion draft or elsewhere. Before the Fall Series, Mark Parsons hinted at doubts around Katherine Reynolds’s future, saying she planned to reevaluate her options going forward after suffering a concussion in the quarterfinal of the Challenge Cup. At age 33 and having dealt with a string of injuries in recent years, it doesn’t seem unlikely that retirement is among those options.

Kuikka has played as a center back both in Sweden and for FSU, but she started her college career as a winger. Thus, it’s plausible that Portland may be bringing her in as an option at outside back as well, a position they’re currently thinner at than they are in central defense.

Regardless of who ends up staying or leaving during this offseason, this also looks like a smart longer-term move for the Thorns, who have several defenders in their 30s, including not just Reynolds but Becky Sauerbrunn and Meghan Klingenberg. Kuikka is a smart, physically strong defender who stood out at FSU for her confidence on the ball and ability to play out of the back in coach Mark Krikorian’s possession-oriented system.