Category: Thorns

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Soccer Thorns

So, How ‘Bout Them Thorns?

Photo by Matthew Wolfe

With the NWSL set to become the first American sports league to attempt a restart, the eight teams—minus the Orlando Pride, who, as we learned Monday, will sit out due to multiple positive COVID-19 tests on the team—that will participate in the Challenge Cup released their rosters yesterday.

One thing is certain: between a huge amount of offseason tumult and a stack of last-minute contracts—not to mention yesterday’s announcement that Tobin Heath will not participate—this won’t be a Thorns team we’ve ever seen before. A few of our thoughts on the newly announced roster are below.

Katelyn Best

Let’s just have fun, ok?

The Thorns, presumably, had a plan heading into this season. Amid whispers of a needed culture change, the club sent half the roster packing, snagged two promising young forwards at the draft, and made moves for Becky Sauerbrunn and Rocky Rodríguez. Fill in a few more blanks, and it’s easy to envision a good soccer team materializing—but those blanks never got filled. What we’re left with is pieces to a whole that never got finished.

Things were cast into even more doubt last week with the departure of Ellie Carpenter. With her departure, Sauerbrunn—a legendary but aging, and slowing, center back—starts to look less adequate as the season’s big defensive acquisition. The team has options at right back, but it’s hard to envision any of them filling Carpenter’s shoes on day one against North Carolina.

But here’s the good news: soccer is a game. More good news: this “season” isn’t real. Even more good news: historically, the Thorns have played some of their most fun, memorable games without their veterans. This isn’t the same as a World Cup or an Olympics—Lindsey Horan and Christine Sinclair will be there—but the tight schedule means we’re sure to see more squad rotation than we normally would. The sheer volume of new names on this roster means it’s impossible to guess which players are going to be the Meg Morrises or Simone Charleys of this tournament.

That’s not to mention the proven names new to this Thorns roster; Rodríguez obviously falls into that category, as does, I would argue, Sophia Smith. This group of forwards, in particular, is mostly quite young, and none of them are French, but I’d bet they’re going to be a hell of a lot of fun to watch. Wacky stuff is going to happen in this tournament. Let’s enjoy it, yeah?

Photo by Nikita Taparia
The Lindsey Horan conundrum

I have this theory that’s going to sound ridiculous when I say it, but bear with me: Horan is a problem. More specifically, the role Horan plays for the Thorns is a problem.

In 2016 and 2017, Portland deployed Horan and Amandine Henry in the central midfield as dual No. 8s. Both could play disruptor, both could set plays in motion, and both could make forward runs and score themselves. They would trade off on these duties, one sitting back while the other pushed into the attack, and this worked because Henry is just as good at all those things as Horan.

When Henry left, Mark Parsons wanted to continue using the same system, swapping Andressinha in alongside Horan. This went… less well. Andressinha simply isn’t a strong or physical enough player to fill that role. Since then, a succession of players have been tapped to fill that third midfield slot, including Celeste Boureille, Dagný Brynjarsdóttir, and Gabby Seiler. Boureille, for a moment in 2018, worked well; she doesn’t have Henry or Horan’s creative brilliance, but she proved to be a good disruptor deep in midfield. Seiler, for a still briefer moment in 2019, looked even more promising. But none of them have played as Horan’s double like Henry did—unsurprising, seeing as none of them are in the conversation for being the best central midfielder in the world.

This is the question: is there another player anywhere on earth capable of playing a second No. 8 alongside Horan as effectively as Henry did?

Parsons intends to try again with Rodríguez. On its face at least, this makes a lot more sense than trying to convert Andressinha into a No. 8 did, seeing as Rodríguez has played a box-to-box role in the NWSL, you know, ever, although never in the same system; at Sky Blue, she played alongside Sarah Killion, a much more defensive player than Horan. The question is how well Rodríguez can partner with a player who, at any moment, can show up anywhere on the field.

I’d describe myself as curious, leaning toward optimistic about this. At any rate, I’m excited to see Rodríguez, who I think has been underperforming for a few years, in a new environment. And if it doesn’t turn out? Try her at right back, why not!

Photo by Nikita Taparia

Leo Baudhuin

What the heck is going on with defense?

With all of nine players listed as defenders on this roster, one presumably would not have as many questions about Portland’s back line as I do. With a schedule that has the Thorns playing their opening three games over the course of nine days, rotation is going to happen, and I think it’s going to happen sooner than we expect.

If you look at a back four of Meghan Klingenberg, Emily Menges, Sauerbrunn, and Katherine Reynolds, something comes to the forefront pretty quickly: three of them are over 30 and two of them aren’t particularly fast. (Menges, of course, is the exception in both these statements, and Sauerbrunn isn’t slow, per se, but as Katelyn points out above, she’s definitely past her peak.) And while they’re all very capable players, the quartet leaves something to be desired against a fast, high-pressing North Carolina.

On the other hand, Parsons isn’t exactly known for throwing young players into the line of fire. But if these games don’t really matter, there’s no time like the present to experiment, right? Yeah, there’s still Kelli Hubly and Christen Westphal—and where is Seiler going to play? As the No. 6 in a diamond midfield? Somewhere in defense?—but I personally think it would be very cool if Madison Pogarch got the start on Saturday. And why not give Meaghan Nally and Autumn Smithers some time in this tournament while we’re at it?

Photo by Nikita Taparia
Some good news

Guess what I remembered today? Two-time NWSL Goalkeeper of the Year Adrianna Franch still plays for the Thorns. Not only that, but she won’t be missing games that she could be playing with the Thorns for national team duty.

Given the experimentation we’re going to see with this team, having arguably the best keeper in the league—and undisputedly the one with the best handling—means, worst comes to worst, at least we’ll see some great goalkeeping.

Tyler Nguyen

Young attackers will be in the spotlight

Tobin Heath has chosen to stay at home for this tournament. That is her right as a player, and it’s one that all the players in the NWSL have, as guaranteed by the negotiations between the player’s association and the league. Looking at the state of coronavirus cases in the US and Utah specifically, it’s a perfectly reasonable decision to make, and knowing how much she lives for soccer, it has to be an incredibly painful one.

What it means for the team is that, with the departures of Midge Purce, Hayley Raso, and Caitlin Foord in the offseason, no regular-rotation players from the 2019 forward line will play in the NWSL Challenge Cup. Sure, Christine Sinclair is listed as a forward, but you and I both know that’s not how it works, and in a compressed schedule, it’s even less how it works. Sinclair is simply not going to be running around full tilt for 90 minutes on three day’s rest, as much as I’m sure she wants to.

No, the forward line is going to a rotation of players who, while extremely talented, haven’t proven themselves as starters in the NWSL yet. This is going to be an attacking bullpen with no hierarchy and no secure starting places. Expectations are high for some of the talent on hand, but there’s quite a bit of depth, so the team can afford to take some risks if things need to be shifted around. 

Heath has such gravity in the team and is so important that when she’s in the team they will almost always play in a very specific way, with Heath one of the three up front drifting inside. No one plays exactly how she does, so without her, Parsons has experimented with back threes, relying on wingbacks for depth. But with Carpenter’s departure, the team has only one proven attacking option from deep in Klingenberg.

So where is the attack going to come from? Sophia Smith and Morgan Weaver, the Thorns’ first-round draft picks, were both wide players who specialized in cutting inside and shooting in college. The Thorns could, in theory, play only them up top and load up another player in midfield to get more creation there. That would mean leaving Simone Charley and Tyler Lussi out of lineups though, and both are high-energy players whose styles of play, in totally different ways, can completely throw defenses off guard. Charley’s ability with the ball at her feet on the break, and Lussi’s combination of strength and shooting mastery will both likely prove useful up against different defenses. Marissa Everett showed off a knack for poaching shots in her limited minutes last year, impressing the team enough to earn a contract this year, and Anika Rodriguez, yet another undrafted player the Thorns picked up this offseason, flashed some creative passing playing alongside Ashley Sanchez at UCLA. The depth probably doesn’t even end there. Parsons loves throwing young defenders into the fray as attackers: this is where Pogarch got her first minutes for the club, so the new defenders could absolutely see some minutes there. The possibilities seem endless. It’s now on these young players to make the most of their opportunities. 

2020 Thorns FC NWSL Challenge Cup roster

Goalkeepers (3): Bella Bixby, Britt Eckerstrom, Adrianna Franch (FED-USA)

Defenders (9): Kelli Hubly, Meghan Klingenberg, Emily Menges, Meaghan Nally (CDP), Madison Pogarch, Katherine Reynolds, Becky Sauerbrunn (FED-USA), Autumn Smithers, Christen Westphal

Midfielders (6): Celeste Boureille, Lindsey Horan (FED-USA), Emily Ogle, Rocky Rodríguez (INTL), Angela Salem, Gabby Seiler

Forwards (7): Simone Charley, Marissa Everett, Tyler Lussi, Anika Rodriguez, Christine Sinclair (FED-CAN), Sophia Smith (CDP), Morgan Weaver (CDP)

Key: CDP—2020 NWSL College Draft pick; FED—Federation Player; INTL—International Player

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Soccer Thorns

“2020, Year of Marissa Everett”

Photo by Nikita Taparia.
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Soccer Thorns

Several Defensive Schema the Thorns Could Employ against the Courage

If you’re scratching your head at yesterday’s news that the Thorns have transferred Ellie Carpenter to Olympique Lyonnais, you’re not alone. Carpenter was one of the best outside backs in the league, famously matching up well in one-on-one situations against world-class offensive players like Megan Rapinoe. She also had something you can’t teach, something the rest of Portland’s back line—especially with Emily Sonnett having been swapped out for the 35-year-old Becky Sauerbrunn—is largely lacking: speed.

That’s of special concern when we look at the first matchup on the schedule in Utah: the North Carolina fucking Courage.

If starting the Challenge Cup against the back-to-back shield and championship winners wasn’t tough enough, the tournament format may make matters even harder. The Thorns tend to start slow and improve throughout the season; they don’t have time for that in Utah. They have to figure out how to win right away, and with an unproven offense, defense will be key. So who will shore up Portland’s back line in Carpenter’s absence? Let’s get into the Xs and Os and take a look at a few ways this defense could line up.

Gabby Seiler

Gabby Seiler seems as likely an option as any at right back. She’s been stymied by major injuries twice now, once before she’d reported to the team as a rookie, and then last year when she tore her ACL, but in the minutes she has gotten, she’s shown she can play at just about any defensive position. I’d argue she’s best employed as a No. 6, but with Parsons saying he wants to line Rocky Rodríguez up alongside Lindsey Horan as dual No. 8s, there isn’t room for her in a three-woman midfield. Seiler may not be as fast as Carpenter, but she had a 66.9% success rate in duels last season, better than Carpenter’s 42.9%, and she has both the physicality and the brains to stand up to the league’s toughest players.

Madison Pogarch

Madison Pogarch only played a handful of minutes in 2019, so she’s something of an unknown quantity. I do know the coaching staff is high on her, and that she’s fast and hard-working. I also remember watching her in preseason in 2019 and thinking, “wow!” Since that tournament wasn’t streamed, I have no way of confirming that memory. I’d say she’s a solid back-up option for Seiler.

Don’t Defend

Back in 2014, Paul Riley’s Thorns team team had a certain mystical quality where they were simultaneously good and bad, and also neither, at any time. This was a team that could beat the eventual champions 7–1 one week and then lose to Boston the next. It was high-concept soccer, where the concept was that it doesn’t matter how many goals you concede as long as you score one more than that.

Riley has grown as a coach since then. He still plays an extremely attacking style, but North Carolina’s defense has also been the stingiest in the league the past two seasons. So here’s my idea: since the Courage offense is all but unstoppable, why bother trying? Instead, Parsons could take a page from Riley’s own playbook and focus all the energy on breaking down that defense and scoring more goals than the opposition. That could look something like this:

The 1-1-3-6

The strength of this lineup starts with its front line of Sophia Smith, Tyler Lussi, Simone Charley, Morgan Weaver, Meghan Klingenberg, and Marissa Everett. All four strikers are fast; some are also technical and/or physical. Kling will play in her normal role, minus the defending part. Everett is an unproven quantity, but any other player on the roster runs the risk of being too defensive in that position. Tobin Heath, Rodríguez, Christine Sinclair, and Lindsey Horan will all both feed the forward line and make overlapping runs themselves.

Emily Menges is the goalkeeper, but will be tasked with covering the whole defensive half of the field as well as she can—as well as scoring, if possible. Let’s win this thing 15–14.

Human Pyramid

The spiritual opposite of the “don’t defend” strategy is the human pyramid. I’ve looked, and as far as I can tell there’s no rule against this.

I’m not envisioning a true human pyramid, but here’s the concept: build a wall on the goal line, then have the remaining players sit on the shoulders of the players in the wall. Where’s the ball going to go?

AD Franch can play in front of the player stack. Every time she catches the ball, she wastes as much time as possible, then kicks it as far away as she can. The concept here, obviously, is to play for a 0–0 draw, but it’s not hard to imagine the Courage getting so sick of this that at some point, the shoulder-sitters, with their fully rested legs, can rush the other goal and sneak one in.

Tobin Heath

She’s had to do it before. Why not this time?

Categories
Soccer Thorns

New Tournament, New Faces

Photo by Portland Thorns FC/Craig Mitchelldyer.

The way the Portland Thorns ended their 2019 season was disappointing to everyone involved. With only one win and one goal in their final six games—and that nightmarish 6–0 loss to the North Carolina Courage—it was clear that the offseason would bring a number of changes.

“Short tournament [or] long season, our identity—especially after last year, where I think our identity had become very gray—our identity is our highest priority,” Thorns head coach Mark Parsons told media this week. “Because we think that leads to high performance, and we believe high performance leads to success.”

The player movement was as drastic as foreshadowed. Portland waived Ana-Maria Crnogorčević, and Dagný Brynjarsdóttir returned to Iceland. Emily Sonnett ventured southeast to the Orlando Pride. Caitlin Foord and Hayley Raso were lost to the Australian exodus from the NWSL. (Technically, Foord was also traded to the Pride, but the end result was the same.) Andressinha was finally freed—unfortunately, not from the bench, but from Portland. Midge Purce was sent to Sky Blue, Elizabeth Ball to Utah.

Then there were those brought into the team. Raquel Rodríguez and Becky Sauerbrunn came in via trade. At this year’s draft, the Thorns claimed first and second overall picks Sophia Smith and Morgan Weaver, as well as Meaghan Nally and Christen Westphal—the latter through a trade with then-Reign FC.

But where does that leave us? Without the likes of Ball, Purce, and Raso, for one thing—all players who had grown into key roles in their time with the club. And while—for the most part—the individual moves make sense on paper, the overall trend means most Thorns players are very young or nearing the end of their careers, with few individuals in between. The notable exception is the midfield, although questions remain about how exactly a partnership between Rodríguez and Lindsey Horan will work, and Gabby Seiler and Angela Salem are both working their way back from ACL tears.

With that in mind, it’s worth noting that the core of the Thorns is still very much intact, Sonnett excluded. Assuming everyone makes the trek to Utah, Adrianna Franch will still be in goal; Emily Menges will help anchor the backline; Horan, Tobin Heath, and Christine Sinclair are still key players in Portland’s attack.

But three of those players are over 30, as are Sauerbrunn and a handful of others. And while they’re all still effective on the field, they’ll likely be playing closely managed minutes—especially given the NWSL Challenge Cup’s compacted schedule.

Parsons addressed the challenges of training for a tournament in which his squad will be playing two games on short rest in the preliminary round alone—a number that will only grow as Portland advances through the Cup. “It’s not about getting every single player prepared and ready to play every single 90 minutes throughout this tournament,” he explained. “It’s not possible, it’s not going to be safe.”

In a sport where defensive consistency is key, it will be interesting to see how lineup rotation plays out across Portland’s backline—especially given that the majority of expected starters fall into the aforementioned age binary. Sauerbrunn, though still a solid player, has shown signs of slowing down, Meghan Klingenberg is now 31, and Katherine Reynolds—likely the first player off the bench in Ball’s absence—is 32.

On the other hand, there’s Ellie Carpenter, who has years of international experience, but also turned 20 just over a month ago. Seiler can also jump into defense if needed. Behind them, there’s a handful of players that are either coming off a 2019 season in which they barely played, or are new to the league altogether. (Although many of the former have looked solid in the time they have gotten, it remains to be seen how that translates as they begin to play more substantial minutes.)

“Every player knows they’re all going to be needed,” said Parsons. And while he’s done a phenomenal job in the player development department these past few years, that often entails gradually building game time—a luxury not afforded by the Challenge Cup schedule.

Portland’s youth is especially evident across its attacking line, with Smith, Weaver, and potentially a couple non-roster invitees joining the already-young group of Simone Charley, Marissa Everett, and Tyler Lussi. Based on the club’s preseason roster, the only real exception to this pattern is Christine Sinclair, although if the Thorns use their regular formation we’ll see Heath up there, too.

Regardless, there’s no way a 37-year-old Sinclair will play a significant role in every match, and all three of the players who stepped in as a No. 10 last year have since departed the team. That leaves a lot of Portland’s attack up to a handful of relatively inexperienced—though admittedly talented—individuals. 

The other thing? The Thorns don’t get a preseason tournament this year. Parsons described that his communication with new players has catered to the lack of time to experiment. He explained the importance of establishing identity and expectations, clarifying where he sees a player helping the club, and that he wants the player to be “[themselves] in the rest of the areas.”

However, the lack of preseason opponents still presents questions for a team that likes to use that time allow players to showcase their strengths and test out prospective depth pieces.

“These players need minutes… to develop,” acknowledged Parsons. While the Thorns aren’t necessarily able to provide that time in preseason matches, Portland’s coaching staff has compensated with full-sided scrimmages.

Parsons remains optimistic about his group’s talent. Although preparation time is more limited, that a significant portion of the roster hasn’t played all that much in the NWSL means another thing: the Thorns will be harder to scout. “It’s an advantage that we know [our young players] and others don’t,” said Parsons, “and obviously we have a tournament [where] they’re gonna have to step up and step in. I’m confident that this experience is going to be a hugely positive one for them.”

However it shakes out, it’s pretty clear that that first match against North Carolina is going to be something—and that something will almost definitely sloppy and leave us with more questions than answers. 

But despite the uncertainty, one thing is clear: what we see from the young players who are called to step into bigger roles during this tournament will be our first look at what this team can become.

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Soccer Thorns

Red Smoke Radio: Emily Menges Interview

As the NWSL gears up to meet in Utah for the 2020 Challenge Cup, Katelyn Best chats with Thorns defender and NWSL Players Association Treasurer Emily Menges. The NWSLPA was closely involved in the decision to restart, winning guaranteed contracts for players regardless of whether they participate or not. They touch on her offseason playing in the demonstration AFC international club competition for the Melbourne Victory and what classic works of American literature she’s been plowing her way through in quarantine.

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Not Soccer Thorns

Thorns Sith Names, Ranked

It is a well-established fact that the Thorns are not Sith. This is a good thing for all of us—particularly the younglings.

But if they were Sith, there would be a real disparity in the quality of Sith names throughout the Thorns roster. Adding Darth to your name is great when you are going by Vader, Sidious, or even Revan, but modern-day, real-life names lend themselves somewhat less to the intimidating air preferred by the adherents of the Dark Side.

So, on the scale of Darth Val to Darth Maul, where do the Thorns fall?

I took a look at the Thorns roster and tried to pick out the best Sith name for each player: Darth followed by their first name, last name, or nickname.

24. Darth Charley – As someone with two first names, Simone Charley was always going to struggle in a ranking that is about a combination of intimidation and hard consonant sounds.

23. Darth Ellie

22. Darth Hubly

21. Darth Sophia

20. Darth Kat

19. Darth Everett

18. Darth Franch – I want to put Franch higher on this list mostly because she is one of the players on the Thorns I can best picture wielding a lightsaber (it is probably her haircut), but at the same time I just can’t get around the fact that her name doesn’t really let you sneer properly as you pronounce it.

17. Darth Westphal

16. Darth Rocky

15. Darth Salem

14. Darth Menges

13. Darth Ogle

12. Darth Heath

11. Darth Britt

10. Darth Seiler – Any name ending in an “r” is much easier to imagine Emporer Palpatine growling in warning.

“You will not fail me again, Darth Seiler.”

9. Darth Lussi

8. Darth Weaver

7. Darth Cel

6. Darth Bella – The Sith of the extended Star Wars Universe have a long history of using Latin-ish words as their names. Tyranus, Iratus, Nihilus, and Rictus have all graced the Galaxy far, far away, and Bella, the plural for war in Latin, fits right in with the theme.

Of course, if Bella Bixby had stayed Bella Geist, she would have been an easy contender for the top ranking on this list.

5. Darth Kling

4. Darth Horan

3. Darth Sinc

2. Darth Broon

1. Darth Pogarch

Categories
Not Soccer Soccer Thorns

Welcome to the Dark Side

Photo by Matt Wolfe, lightsaber by Katelyn Best

Right off the bat, let’s be clear: the Thorns are not evil. They are a group of human women who play soccer professionally—emphatically not a shadowy warrior cult strong in the dark side of the Force. None of them would ever murder their dark mentor as part of the ancient, never-ending cycle of apprentice betraying master. I doubt any of them even owns a laser sword.

But, I mean…

You know what they say: a rose by any other name would be equally vicious and power-hungry

It’s not like they don’t want us to make that connection, right?

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So, if the Thorns were both fueled and consumed by a supernatural rage, and they did all own laser swords, and if their laser swords were the glowing red of a Dathomirian sunset, what would that look like? In other words, which Sith Lords best exemplify the essences of which Portland Thorns?

Lindsey Horan: Darth Vader

In the 2015/2016 offseason, the Thorns were coming off a dark year. Their season had been thrown into turmoil by the Clone Wars 2015 World Cup, they’d just shaken up their coaching staff, and the roster was undergoing an almost total rebuild. One bright spot on the horizon was Lindsey Horan, the immensely talented young American whose arrival had been foretold generations ago as the one who would bring balance to the Force. Like Vader, Horan does it all, by herself if she needs to: she defends, she sets attacks up, and she scores, sometimes all in a single play.

Christine Sinclair: Darth Sidious

Christine Sinclair may be one of the best goal scorers of all time, but for a player as immensely powerful as she is, her game is surprisingly understated. She’s cool and calculated, always lurking near goal when you least expect her, waiting for the fortuitous moment to strike. She makes an impact even when the other team thinks they’ve got her marked out of the game. And off the field, she’s famously quiet. She’s been in charge for years, and if you didn’t know what to look for, you might not even know it.

Tobin Heath: Darth Maul

A double-bladed lightsaber is the sword version of a cheeky nutmeg: few people can even control it without putting themselves in danger, let alone use it effectively in a duel. Some would call it unnecessarily flashy, but unnecessary flash is exactly what makes millions of people fall in love with the game. In my book, Tobin Heath gets unfairly labeled as all style and no substance too often, but the style? Nobody can deny the style.

Becky Sauerbrunn: Count Dooku

Count Dooku was a Jedi master—trained by none other than Yoda—who turned to the dark side late in his career, setting in motion key events in galactic history. While Becky Sauerbrunn has yet to put on a Thorns jersey, it’s not hard to imagine that one of the most decorated center backs of all time could be a difference maker for a team whose weak point has been defense in recent years. She’s already won two NWSL championships and two World Cups—a third NWSL ring, presumably suffused with dark energy and giving off a faint red glow, would be a great addition to that trophy case.

Mark Parsons: Darth Bane

Mark Parsons isn’t a Thorn, per se, but bear with me: Darth Bane was the ancient Sith lord who restructured an order on the brink of collapse. He introduced the rule of two, which limits the entire Sith order to a single master and their apprentice. When Parsons arrived in 2016, the Thorns were on shaky ground, and he restructured the team in a number of ways, bringing in a largely new roster and building a team-focused culture that prioritizes hard work and effort. The Thorns as we know them today wouldn’t exist without him.

 

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Soccer Thorns

Red Smoke Radio Episode 36: Southside Trap Crossover!

On what would have been the home opening weekend for the Chicago Red Stars, Katelyn Best and Tyler Nguyen join Sandra Herrera and Claire Watkins of Southside Trap (the premier Chicago Red Stars podcast) to talk through the nuttiness of the 4–4 Red Stars/Thorns draw last year.

A ludicrous, sloppy, and magical game more reminiscent of 2014 than the modern NWSL era, it featured some season-defining play from Meghan Klingenberg, some breakout moments from Midge Purce and Gabby Seiler, and the greatest team goal in NWSL history—scored by Michele Vasconcelos against a Thorns defense that could only gawk as the Red Stars attack passed them by.

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Soccer Thorns

Red Smoke Radio Episode 35: The Mysteries of the 2014 Season

Red Smoke Radio returns with more quarantine content, this time recapping the 2014 Portland Thorns season.

“If I win 6-5, I’m happy with that.”

Those words kicked off the Rileyball era of the Portland Thorns, and how prophetic they turned out to be. The Thorns won the title in 2013, but they didn’t do it “their way.” In 2014, with a new coach at the helm, they sought to be the most entertaining team in the world. What happened? Katelyn and Tyler look on, astonished, at Portland’s place in one of the wackiest NWSL seasons in history. Were they good? Unclear.

 

 

 

 

Categories
Soccer Thorns

PTFCats: Meet Missy and Olive

Photo by Nikita Taparia. Ears via vippng.com. Edited by Leo Baudhuin.

From Charlie, Chistine Sinclair’s legendary Pomeranian, to Gabby Seiler’s Thor—who has his own Instagram account—it’s hard to argue that the pets of the Portland Thorns aren’t well-documented. However, it’s significantly easier to make the case that the vast majority—if not all—of this content centers around dogs. 

As a cat person who suddenly has a lot of time on my hands, I thought I’d push back against that trend and give a little attention to a pair of PTFC cats.

Becky Sauerbrunn, an exciting addition to the Thorns this offseason and a known cat lover, began fostering her current cats during her FC Kansas City days. A member of the Blue Crew, FCKC’s supporters’ group, worked at an animal hospital, and a number of players on the Kansas City squad were fostering animals from them. The players—who were only provided with housing when they were in season—got a pet while they were in market, and the animals got a temporary home. Sauerbrunn was among these players; she took in Missy, Olive, and their brother T-Pain in 2016.

While living under the care of Sauerbrunn, T-Pain was adopted. Sauerbrunn was resolute in her reaction, choosing to adopt T-Pain’s sisters herself. “I decided I wasn’t dealing with that sadness any more than I had to,” she tells me over email. “I convinced (guilt-tripped) my boyfriend into agreeing to it. And the rest is history.”

So began the era of Missy and Olive.

Missy (left in the photo above) is easily the more outgoing of the two. She’s the one who will welcome strangers and beg them for attention, while Olive, in stereotypical black cat form, will make herself scarce. “Missy is the type of cat who will greet you, meow constantly for pets, and climb right on your lap when you sit down,” says Sauerbrunn. 

Sauerbrunn likens Missy to Emma Woodhouse, the protagonist of Jane Austen’s Emma. She points to Wikipedia’s description of Woodhouse to back this up: “a beautiful, high-spirited, intelligent, and ‘slightly’ spoiled young woman.” While, admittedly, I’ve never read the book, this seems like an apt characterization of the cat who wakes Sauerbrunn up at 7:00 a.m. with a paw to the face, purring (or who licks Sauerbrunn’s arm as she types a response to me, trying to convince her to reposition so she can take her rightful seat in Sauerbrunn’s lap).

Where Missy takes center stage, Olive is initially more on the periphery; Sauerbrunn compares her to Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter. “Early in the series he’s a little underestimated, flies under the radar, seems like a good dude but remains in the periphery of the main story,” she explains. “But, by the end, he’s leading Dumbledore’s Army, killing off a horcrux, and becoming a fan favorite. Olive has that effect on people.”

Developing appreciation goes both ways when it comes to Olive. People gradually warm up to her and she to them. “You have to earn her trust,” Sauerbrunn says, “and that takes time to prove that your intentions are pure. But when you earn that trust, you’re one of her humans for life and she’ll bless you with her amazing companionship.”

When it comes to the relationship between Missy and Olive, Missy loves to be the one in charge. “[She] will taunt and tease and pick fights with Olive, says Sauerbrunn. “But if you mess with Olive in any way, and Olive gives off any distress sign, Missy comes running and will literally fight the person.”

She describes an instance in which Olive wouldn’t leave a patch of sensitive skin alone, and Sauerbrunn’s boyfriend, Zola Short, attempted to put a soft cone around Olive’s neck to limit her access to the spot. Missy, sensing Olive’s discomfort, rushed to the rescue, executing a flying backwards kick that brought her into contact with Short’s stomach and forced him to release Olive. “I know I should’ve been more concerned for Zola,” Sauerbrunn recalls, “but I was just so proud of Missy that I couldn’t stop smiling.”

The love between Sauerbrunn and her cats is undisputedly mutual. “I thought that initially they’d be thrilled and then eventually the novelty would fade away and they’d leave us alone and go do cat stuff,” she says when asked how Missy and Olive are reacting to her being home more. “I was way wrong. They don’t leave us alone.”