It is a well-established fact that the Thorns are not Sith. This is a good thing for all of us—particularly the younglings.
But if they were Sith, there would be a real disparity in the quality of Sith names throughout the Thorns roster. Adding Darth to your name is great when you are going by Vader, Sidious, or even Revan, but modern-day, real-life names lend themselves somewhat less to the intimidating air preferred by the adherents of the Dark Side.
So, on the scale of Darth Val to Darth Maul, where do the Thorns fall?
I took a look at the Thorns roster and tried to pick out the best Sith name for each player: Darth followed by their first name, last name, or nickname.
24. Darth Charley – As someone with two first names, Simone Charley was always going to struggle in a ranking that is about a combination of intimidation and hard consonant sounds.
23. Darth Ellie
22. Darth Hubly
21. Darth Sophia
20. Darth Kat
19. Darth Everett
18. Darth Franch – I want to put Franch higher on this list mostly because she is one of the players on the Thorns I can best picture wielding a lightsaber (it is probably her haircut), but at the same time I just can’t get around the fact that her name doesn’t really let you sneer properly as you pronounce it.
17. Darth Westphal
16. Darth Rocky
15. Darth Salem
14. Darth Menges
13. Darth Ogle
12. Darth Heath
11. Darth Britt
10. Darth Seiler – Any name ending in an “r” is much easier to imagine Emporer Palpatine growling in warning.
“You will not fail me again, Darth Seiler.”
9. Darth Lussi
8. Darth Weaver
7. Darth Cel
6. Darth Bella – The Sith of the extended Star Wars Universe have a long history of using Latin-ish words as their names. Tyranus, Iratus, Nihilus, and Rictus have all graced the Galaxy far, far away, and Bella, the plural for war in Latin, fits right in with the theme.
Of course, if Bella Bixby had stayed Bella Geist, she would have been an easy contender for the top ranking on this list.
5. Darth Kling
4. Darth Horan
3. Darth Sinc
2. Darth Broon
1. Darth Pogarch