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Soccer Thorns

Thorns Continue Challenge Cup With 1-0 Win Over San Diego: Takeaways

The Thorns look very different than when they stepped off the field in 2021, and two games into a preseason tournament, they are still finding their footing. Without being too critical of the team, there are plenty of bright spots to take away from the inaugural Thorns versus San Diego Wave game. 

Debuts!

Saturday night’s game marked the professional Thorns debuts of Abby Smith and Natalie Beckman. Both players appeared in the preseason games and showed new head coach Rhian Wilkinson that they had valuable skills. Although Beckman only played about 10 minutes coming in for Klingenberg, she looked confident on the wing as part of the Thorns’ five-back and should be an exciting prospect in the games to come. Smith has plenty of NWSL experience, most recently for the Kansas City Current, but had yet to make an appearance for the Thorns since signing mid-season in 2021. 

In her inaugural game, Smith registered seven saves and a clean sheet, making her the fourth Thorns keeper to record a clean sheet in a Challenge Cup match. The decision to start Smith over Bella Bixby, Thorns No. 1, was a collaborative one between head goalkeeper coach Nadine Angerer, Bixby, and Smith. Head coach Rhian Wilkinson  said post-game that it was Bixby’s suggestion to have Smith play so that Smith has the minutes and confidence to fill in when Bixby is unavailable. Smith also spoke highly of the Goalkeeper Union in Portland and how all keepers push one another and inspire greatness. With such a solid culture in goal, any of the Portland keepers should be able to control the backline. 

Sophia! Smith!

Saying that Sophia Smith is good at soccer is probably the understatement of the year. Her technical skill and ability to get in behind the backline has already proven to be crucial to the Thorns’s attacking strategies. Sinking three out of three shots on target, Smith is lethal in front of goal. However, in the game against the Wave, Smith showed that she is more than just a pacey striker. In the run up to the Thorns’s lone goal, Smith was able to draw out three San Diego defenders to surround her, leaving both Natalia Kuikka and Christine Sinclair with plenty of space on the wings to send a ball in that Smith hit one-time deftly around Sheridan. 

Post-game, Wilkinson had high praise for Smith. She cited that Smith not only has a high ceiling that she delivers on, but that she is able to quickly implement feedback. One thing that Smith and Wilkinson are working on is “when to go in behind defense on transition and when to hold back to create different types of scoring opportunities.” With the combination of skills she possesses, it is a no-brainer that Smith will be a crucial member of the Thorns this year. 

Young players!

Sam Coffey, Yazmeen Ryan, and Meaghan Nally all got the start on Saturday. With Becky Sauerbrunn out after undergoing surgery to repair her meniscus, Nally has been able to slide into a starting role on the backline. She didn’t look out of place in the slightest alongside veteran defenders Emily Menges and Kelli Hubly, registering the highest number of touches and completed passes of the three. 

Ryan and Coffey, alongside Hina Sugita, are working to rebuild the midfield that the Thorns lost in the offseason. Together, the two young players in their first full season with the Thorns have already impressed. As the holding midfielder No. 6, Coffey had nearly an 80% passing completion rate. She was able to exploit the wide open spaces left by the non-existent Wave midfield, and looked as though she controlled the field. As she gains more experience and confidence on the field, she will be a real force to be reckoned with. Finally, Ryan also worked hard in the midfield, completing several successful dribbles to bring the ball into the final third, playing in Smith. As both Sophia Smith and Ryan get more time together and their partnership solidifies, they should be a lethal duo on the left. 

The Thorns go again tonight at home for their inaugural match against Angel City FC as they continue their run to secure their second Challenge Cup championship.

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Soccer Thorns

Thorns Draw 1-1 at Lumen Field: Takeaways

It’s Challenge Cup time again, and the Thorns opened their tournament on Friday with a 1-1 draw to OL Reign. Even with a couple missed chances, it wasn’t a bad start to Portland’s first non-preseason game of 2022—and it left us with a lot of positives for what this team can become.

The Thorns are generally a team that have high expectations for themselves—take just last year, when they set out with the goal to “win everything”—and they’ll want better than a draw. But with a new team and a new head coach and a number of key players out, I don’t think we can read the team’s performance or the game’s outcome as a bad result.

Thorns head coach Rhian Wilkinson put it best in the postgame press conference. “I thought the team put in a performance, in a lot of ways, that we can be proud of,” she said. Although she said that Portland has room to grow, and that they did miss a couple good opportunities, “they gritted out a tie, and winning teams get points on the road. I was really proud of that piece of it.”

Not only did the Thorns pick up a draw, but they did so without the likes of Crystal Dunn, Madison Pogarch, Rocky Rodríguez, and Becky Sauerbrunn.

Those absences—along with the temporary departure of Lindsay Horan and Angela Salem’s retirement—meant Friday night’s Thorns were in a very different position from last year. Instead of leaning on an internationally-experienced midfield that had at least a couple years in Portland’s system under their belt, the Thorns started relatively young midfield that hadn’t really played together before. Hina Sugita and Sam Coffey—while both clearly very talented—are new to the team, and Yazmeen Ryan played less than 400 minutes in the regular season last year.

It’s not surprising that it took the Thorns a second to settle in. In the opening minutes of the match, Portland looked happy to give the Reign time on the ball, sitting back using pressure to force OL to play out of the back.

In Sauerbrunn’s absence, the Thorns also started Meaghan Nally in defense, who had played 19 minutes for Portland in 2022. Despite a dodgy moment early on, she grew into the game and helped hold Portland to one goal against. Wilkinson called her “unflappable” after the match.

“It took us a second to get organized and communicate a little bit better,” Christine Sinclair said after the match, “but I think we figured it out pretty quickly.”

Even though it was fun to watch Portland’s midfield settle in and more effectively contain world class players like Jess Fishlock and Quinn, I’m not sure how much to read into that performance. Rodríguez, Dunn, and, presumably, Horan will be coming back into the fold as the season progresses, and I won’t be surprised if Wilkinson experiments with formations as she and the players get used to working with each other. Still, Coffey, Ryan, and Sugita all put in solid shifts on Friday, and I’m excited to see how they develop as the season progresses.

“We’re definitely up for the challenge,” Sinclair said, “and we’re only going to grow more and more each game.”

And as the Thorns grow into this new iteration of the team, they’ll still have the likes of a number of more experienced players to lean on. Sinclair, Natalia Kuikka, and Sophia Smith showed as much with the goal they worked to create against the Reign.

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Soccer Thorns

Quotes and Notes from the Spring Fling (Thorns Preseason Tournament)

The Thorns have their first open-door match of 2022 on the books in the form of a 0–0 draw against OL “ol’ Reign” Reign. Rhian Wilkinson’s first game! The Thorns wore green! Let’s talk about it.

With Lindsey Horan gone, the Thorns have no choice but to come up with a completely new system. I’m not sure most fans are really prepared for what losing Horan means, which may be partially my fault and that of my media peers, since I don’t know that we’ve collectively emphasized enough how pivotal she was in the Mark Parsons era. So, to be clear: having Lindsey Horan is like having an extra player on the field. She’s a living cheat code. She was such a presence for the Thorns that she was almost easy to take for granted, like the sun.

It’s not that Portland never got results without her—the clashing NWSL and international schedules meant they had to do that plenty of times when she was on the roster—but I get the sense that the collective awareness of her importance was almost unconscious. Her contribution to the team wasn’t scoring worldies as much as it was that she’d show up and everything on the field would suddenly work better. The discourse when she was available wasn’t “Horan looked good today,” it was, “the Thorns looked good today.”

All this is preamble to the fact that Wilkinson is doing something very, very different with this team. The squad lined up like this:

Diagram showing the Thorns' formation, a 3-5-2

In a word, the game was unspectacular. Whenever they lost possession, the Thorns would drop straight into a neat block; Morgan Weaver and Hannah Betfort would pester a center back or two to keep things moving, but the counterpress of the Parsons days is long gone. Natalia Kuikka and, to a lesser extent, Meghan Klingenberg, played pretty defensively, spending more time cutting off Reign attacks up the wing than looking to go forward themselves. Sam Coffey sat in a sharply defined No. 6 role, using none of the creativity she displayed at Penn State. Postgame, Rhian Wilkinson had this to say about using Coffey in that role:

Sam, even when I first brought her in, her calmness on the ball—she’s got ice in her veins. She’s been like that since day one, just like, “give me the ball.”… In that way, I really believe in midfield strength and connection. And I like her at the six, I think that she really comes alive, and she connects our team. We have a number of players that can do it. But I wanted to put her in the fire really, and see how she did. And I think she gave you all a glimpse of the talent that she has.

Thorns attacks were sparse, with a handful of chances in the first 15 minutes, then another handful in the last half hour. An early goal by Betfort—a header from close range off a corner by Weaver—was waved off for a foul. Most of the chances came from exploiting the spaces left open by Seattle’s press, with Kelli Hubly and Becky Sauerbrunn both connecting directly with the forwards a few times.

Betfort is listed as a defender, but Wilkinson says she sees her as a striker, and had this to say when comparing her with the other forwards on the roster:

Morgan and Sophia Smith are pure athletes. They’re incredible with their feet, technically, as well. Hannah has also got a lot of speed… the other two have a little bit more quickness, she has pure speed. And she’s very obviously a big strong woman who holds the ball out well for us. And she’s got clean feet for someone who is sort of one of those air quotes “old-school” kind of nines, as holding the ball up, she’s got really tidy feet. And I think she likes to play in a different way, where the others pull the line back, she often comes off the front.

The Thorns haven’t had a good old-fashioned shit-kicking nine in some time, and I enjoyed watching Betfort in that role.

In the midfield, Portland often looked outmatched. They were visibly frustrated with the Reign’s press, and Rocky Rodríguez and Yazmeen Ryan struggled to get past Quinn and Jess Fishlock. They’re both excellent creative players, but with a No. 6 who isn’t tasked with contributing much to the attack, no No. 10, and two forwards who tend to stay forward more than drop back to connect play, they couldn’t build much out of the center of the field.

But what we saw last night is not Portland’s best XI. Hina Sugita got about ten minutes in the No. 8 at the end of the match, about which all I have to say is: everybody new to the NWSL has to get that initiatory “why are they like this” moment out of the way. Smith came on in the 74th minute looking sharp as hell and immediately improved the connection between the midfield and the forward line. Also, Crystal Dunn will not be pregnant forever.

The defense was last night’s strong point. Hubly, Sauerbrunn, and Emily Menges are an outstanding central trio and contained just about everything the Reign threw at them. Whatever hiccups happen with the front five as the season gets rolling, Portland will be able to lean on that defensive foundation for results.

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Not Soccer Soccer Thorns

Don’t Let Anyone Tell You This Isn’t What it Looks Like

Note: this article contains transphobic and racist social media posts, including a manipulated photo showing a person in blackface, and discusses racist, transphobic, and anti-semitic right-wing rhetoric and violence.


You’ve heard, I’m sure, that the Portland Thorns—the organization currently led by two very nice Canadian women, one of whom said in her introduction to the press that she wanted to create “the most connected, purpose-driven club in the world”—chose a player named Sydny Nasello out of the University of South Florida in this year’s college draft. I imagine you’ve also seen the social media activity fans dug up the instant her name was called. In case you haven’t, here are some screenshots:

A screenshot of a tweet by @charliekirk11, which was retweeted by Sydny Nasello, reading, "Biological males who think they are girls should not be allowed to compete in sports against actual biological girls"

A tweet by @10TV, which was retweeted by Sydny Nasello, reading "7-year-old Texas boy raises $22,000 to help fund section of border wall" with a link to a news article and a photo of a boy at a table with signs reading "hot chocolate" and "proceeds help Trump build the wall"

A tweet by Donald Trump, Jr., which was retweeted by Sydny Nasello, reading "70 million pissed off republicans and not one city burned to the ground." The tweet is dated November 7, 2020.

I don’t know Nasello. I don’t know, when it comes down to it, exactly why she chose to retweet these things, nor do I know if her views have changed since the most recent one above, from November 7, 2020. But I have spent enough time on the internet to know that retweeting usually serves the purpose of amplifying a message that a user agrees with, and I am aware enough of our current political moment to know that these particular posts suggest a specific worldview. Everything I am about to say is based on that information.

Working with the assumption that retweets mean endorsement, let’s consider the three above one at a time.

The first one indicates that the retweeter denies the reality of trans identity. This is a belief so obviously harmful that it requires no further explanation.

The second one is a little harder to parse, but here I feel that a bare retweet, with no added comment, implies the retweeter has a positive view of the little boy raising money to build a 30-foot wall on our southern border.

The last one, by the former president’s greasy-haired son, no less, alludes to the widespread pro-racial justice, anti-police protests in the summer of 2020, equating anger over centuries of well-documented state-sanctioned violence against Black people with anger over an election that some people believe, without evidence, was stolen. It also alludes to baseless conservative claims that racial justice protesters turned many cities—Portland included—into smoking, lawless ruins ruled by roving antifa gangs.

If our assumption that the retweeter agrees with these things is correct, her views are firmly in line with those of the archetypal Trump voter. Not the reluctant fiscal conservative, not the ordinary rich person who doesn’t want to pay higher taxes; the flag-waving, grievance-driven fanatic.

These tweets reflect a worldview basically reducible to a single principle: no person or group of people has an inherent right to exist, much less the right to be treated with dignity and respect, to express themselves, to participate in the political process, to have complete bodily autonomy, to move freely, or to form associations with others as they choose to do so.

This view denies trans people the legitimacy of their lived and felt reality, denies people uprooted by conflict the right to seek asylum, and denies people living in extreme poverty the right to be treated like human beings at all. To people whose views are in line with these tweets, those rights are only accorded to those with the means to seize them, whether by physical, economic, or political power. To the extent that any person or group of people cannot do so, even (or perhaps especially) if that inability is caused by longstanding institutionalized oppression, this is taken as evidence of inherent inferiority and unworthiness not just of those rights, but ultimately of continuing to live.

Conveniently, there’s a word for this world view: fascism.

Again, it’s impossible to ascribe, with absolute certainty, a set of beliefs to someone you’ve never met, but everything I know about the world leads me to believe that someone who would amplify these messages on their personal social media probably thinks this way, broadly speaking.

A couple hours after she was drafted, Nasello tweeted a Notes app statement containing the kind of non-apology apology we expect from public figures who have been caught expressing views they still wholeheartedly embrace but fear will get them “canceled”:

Sydny Nasello's written statement, which reads: "First and foremost I want to thank the entire Portland Thorns organization for the opportunity to live out my dream! I am so excited to get to work with such an amazing club. To the fans, I want to start off with an apology. I am so excited to live in Portland and play in front of the best fans in the country. I never want to make anyone feel like they are not supported by me and I am so sorry I've done that. I am so pumped to be in the Rose City and compete for championships with new teammates and new coaches. I am most excited to continue growing as a person and learn as much as I possibly can from the people I'm surrounded by in Portland. GO THORNS (heart emoji) (rose emoji)"

Nasello can play coy all she wants. She can come up to the teacher’s desk and say “I’m sorry if I offended anyone” with her eyes shyly lowered while she fidgets her hands behind her back. But we all know, and I imagine she knows, that she’s dodging the real issue. The problem is not that she might, at some time, have made some abstract group of people feel “not supported.” The problem is that she has deliberately and repeatedly indicated that she believes some groups of people are inherently less valuable than others. If she does not hold that belief, I don’t know why she would have retweeted Charlie Kirk saying as much. If she’s changed her mind since then, surely she could have said so specifically in her statement.

There are also two Twitter “likes” by Nasello’s account that I want to highlight:

A tweet by @SaltyCracker9, which Sydny Nasello "liked," reading, "aoc trying to get that Coke endorsement." A photo shows a manipulated photo of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez appearing to apply blackface makeup.

A tweet by Twitter user calzone MD, "liked" by Sydny Nasello, reading "this is the hardest line in the history of the presidency". A still image of a broadcast of Donald Trump speaking is included, with a closed caption that reads, "The doctors said they've never seen a body kill the Coronavirus like my body. They tested my DNA and it wasn't DNA. It was USA."

These stand out to me not because they express particularly more extreme or dangerous views than the three retweets I included above, but because of their tone. To me—again, because I have spent a fair amount of time on the internet and can recognize alt-right rhetoric—they add a particular hard edge to the basic outline illustrated by the retweets discussed above.

They are noteworthy because they exemplify what is perhaps the most terrifying aspect of the radical right as it currently exists in America: the way that to the extreme right’s adherents, all of this, the casual cruelty and dehumanization and undermining of democratic norms, is a big fucking joke. The modern right was birthed on the internet, by millions of people memeing about things like the Holocaust, trying to outdo one another in edginess, screaming racial slurs on Xbox Live, all for the lulz at first, until at some point the joke became, “let’s stage a torchlight march where we chant ‘Jews will not replace us,'” and the punchline had a body count.

Once again, I do not know Nasello’s intention here, but I think it’s fair to say that the act of clicking what’s called the “like” button usually indicates agreement or appreciation. So: in that light, let’s consider the two tweets above.

I will confess that I’m not sure what the joke is supposed to be in the first one. In part, it seems it’s simply intended to be shocking for the sake of being shocking. One point being made is that anyone (“libs”) who would feel belittled or insulted (“offended” or “triggered”) by blackface is clearly an idiot and therefore that blackface is inherently funny; all the more funny to portray one of the country’s best-known left-wing figures, a woman who presumably understands why blackface is harmful to Black people, wearing it.

There’s some second layer here, too. At the end of 2020, LeBron James’s longtime contract with Coca-Cola ran out, which I assume is the reference being made. I suppose we’re intended to make some connection between Black people (because James is Black, get it?) and Coke, something about how brands have given in to the Woke Mob and will now only endorse people of color. I think? If I’m right about that connection, there’s an added element about James being not just a very rich and famous Black man, but one who is fairly outspoken about racism, which racists do not like.

The joke is nonsensical, as far as I can tell, but in short, it mocks 1) the idea that racism is bad, 2) Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez thinking that racism is bad, and 3) corporations wanting to appear not to be racist.

The second tweet isn’t a joke so much as an exemplification of the way the online right expresses approval of its heroes, in slangy terms that gesture toward irony but, as with everything in this world, are anything but. Beating an antifa protester with a stick is termed “based,” while here Trump’s ultranationalist chest-thumping amid a deadly pandemic his administration exacerbated is “hard.” He’s just another memelord, in this view. Calling migrants rapists and criminals is a meme, sexual assault is a meme, racist violence is a meme.

That the views expressed in the posts I’ve included here reflect the outlook of a larger and larger majority of one of the two mainstream political parties in this country is irrelevant to the fact that this outlook is straightforward, by-the-book fascism. This is the single most vile and dangerous ideology that human beings have ever invented, and it’s here right now, and we cannot pretend that we don’t see it.

For the third time, let me reiterate that I don’t know Nasello, so to some degree, all this is conjecture. I think, however, that it’s quite reasonable, as conjecture goes.

And I want to be abundantly clear about the appropriate answer to a person who espouses this kind of extreme right ideology. There is no room for tolerance when it comes to fascism. Fascism is about power, and its proponents do not deal in good-faith dialogue and debate. This set of views is so dangerous not only because it involves wishing harm on certain groups of people; the additional danger is that it seeks to perpetrate that harm through the destruction of the democratic process and anyone who dissents. If we let ourselves be drawn into a facetious discussion about the legitimacy of these views, pretending that somewhere between “we should overthrow the government and install a white nationalist autocracy” and “all human beings are inherently valuable” lies a reasonable middle ground, we’ve already lost.

The Thorns say they didn’t know about all this before drafting Nasello. Fine; I have no reason not to believe them. That’s a serious unforced error, but fortunately it has a simple solution: the Thorns must release Nasello’s rights. An organization cannot seriously claim to respect the rights of women, Black and brown people, and the LGBT+ community while allowing someone with these views onto its payroll. In the Rose City, there is no football for fascists.

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Soccer Thorns

Thorns 2021 Draft Recap

Coming off of their strong 2021 season, the Thorns are retaining their core players, and weren’t looking for players in the 2021 NWSL college draft to make an impact right away. With a successful history of developing college players, the Thorns went for players who could add depth to their already deep roster. Here’s a rundown of their selections:

13th pick: Sydny Nasello, Forward, University of South Florida

Nasello has a public history of racism, transphobia, and xenophobia, which doesn’t with the “open” and “inclusive”—as new head coach Rhian Wilkinson described the team yesterday—culture on the Thorns. We’ll get into that more in a separate piece, but for now, her merits as a field player need to be evaluated separately.

A two-year first-team All American, Nasello has many personal accolades to her name. As a No. 11 forward at the University of South Florida, she had a 41% conversion rate, scoring 11 goals in the 2021 season. She is a strong passer and creates plenty of chances off a dribble. USF is consistently battling for the top of the American Athletic Conference (AAC), and Nasello has scored four game-winning goals to help send her team to the top, winning offensive player of the conference two times. USF lost in the first round of the NCAA tournament, which prevented Nasello from exhibiting her talents on the national stage. In order to fit in with the Thorns’ play, she will need to improve her crosses so as to not be wasteful in the final third. She will need to mature quickly to fit in with the Thorns, both on and off the field. Despite her stats, I don’t rate Nasello.

22nd pick: Gabby Provenzano, Defense/Midfield, Rutgers University

Rutgers has proved a successful college for the Thorns to draft from, with Madison Pogarch—along with the now-traded Amirah Ali—attending the school. Rutgers made it to the NCAA College Cup, falling in the semi-final game to eventual champions Florida State. Provenzano played primarily as a center back, a position where she can learn from The Great Becky Sauerbrunn and Emily Menges. An excellent passer, Provenzano boasts an 86% pass completion rate. Provenzano has received numerous individual awards throughout her time at Rutgers, recently earning All-American, Big 10, All Region, and NCAA College Championship first team honors for her role on the back line. Taking her fifth-year of eligibility due to COVID-19, Provenzano captained Rutgers for three seasons. Despite her holding-down of the backline aiding shutouts, she has posted five goals over her 103 career games. With both proven leadership and solid stats, Provenzano could be a great impact player for Portland—and has a high ceiling to grow. 

48th pick: Natalie Beckman, Forward, University of Denver

Beckman is an excellent pick late in the draft. She has posted incredible stats throughout her four years at University of Denver and has the potential to grow into an impact player if she gets a contract with Portland. While Beckman has posted 21 career goals, her 47 assists set a college record. Her crosses are always spot on, and her 78% passing completion rate confirms this. In a system with talented strikers like Morgan Weaver and Sophia Smith, Beckman could prove valuable in feeding balls into the attack. An All-American second-teamer, Beckman helped lead Denver to Summit League champions three times. Beckman is also a competent dribbler, able to get into tight spaces and get crosses off at the endline. She is a two-time Summit offensive player of the season and a two-time offensive player of the region. Playing in an elite-level system like the Thorns will help aid Beckman’s development greatly. 

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Not Soccer Soccer Thorns

The Three Marks of Existence

I tried to write about Mark Parsons, who recently completed his sixth and final season as the coach of the Portland Thorns. It didn’t work. Instead I just thought about the passage of time and my experience of it. That’s what this is:

Aniccā (Impermanence)

I was 16 the first time I felt old. I was in the hall at South Eugene High School and something involving a slightly younger person happened—I have completely forgotten what—but I remember with crystalline clarity that suddenly I felt like this:

The "Simpsons" characters Patty and Selma smoking cigarettes with bored looks on their faces

It’s absurd to feel old at 16, or perhaps any of the ages that I have been thus far. But the essence of feeling old has nothing to do with objective age. It’s about being old-er. Thus, it is possible to feel old at almost any age. One of the main ways to feel old is what I felt in the hallway that day: realizing that you know things that younger people do not.

Sometimes you look at a younger person and think, “How could you care so much about [thing]?” Sometimes you look at them and think, “Good lord, don’t do that.” Sometimes, a little cruelly, it’s “Just wait until [bad thing happens].”

The other face of feeling old (aside from mysterious bodily pain, which I would not experience until some years after the hallway incident) is the sense that the world and the people in it have shifted under your feet. You drive by a house you used to live in and it’s been painted and had all the leaky windows replaced, or it’s not a house at all anymore, it’s a condo. You go to a Thorns game and it hits you—feeling old always hits you all at once, never incrementally—that there are only two players on the roster who were there when you started your foolish little hobby of writing about them whether anybody wanted you to or not.

This is all a roundabout way of saying: things change. The “they knocked my old house down” feeling and the “what do you kids know” feeling are two sides of the same coin. Something goes away, something else gets renewed. Everything dies, and the wellspring of youth is infinite. That’s all you can count on.

Photo by Kris Lattimore
Anattā (Not-self)

Where is the essence of a soccer team to be found? Is it in the players? The stadium? The manager? The ownership? The fans? Clearly not: almost all of those things have changed for the Thorns over the last six years. If they are all changeable, how can we say that a club that exists today also existed nine years ago? 20? 100?

During the pandemic, I aged a good 10 years. That was the effect of more or less sitting in my house doing absolutely fuck all for something like 15 months. What I mean is that the experience was ultimately good for me.

For instance, one night last spring I realized that I’d been waking up with a vague fear tickling at the corners of my mind every day for months. Upon reflection, I realized that the fear was the fear of death, that it was probably time to deal with that fear head on, and further, that nothing in my life had given me the tools to do so. I decided to look for God.

In that hallway at South Eugene High School, 15 years ago (15 normal Earth years, not 15 pandemic years), I’d never have believed I would one day write that sentence. But I’m not that old-feeling 16-year-old anymore. You sit around long enough, becoming incrementally more Patty-and-Selma-like all the time, and eventually you might realize that the question—the question, the only question, the burning, impossible question—isn’t “does God exist,” or “what am I supposed to do while I’m here,” but “why is there something instead of nothing?” The answer to the question, which is unanswerable, is the thing we call “God.” That is what I have come to think, anyway.

I bring this up because 1) becoming curious about the nature of the universe was what led me, in a roundabout way, to the title and structure of this article, and 2) to illustrate that things will happen to you that you don’t expect. You will change in ways that might not make sense. This is both wonderful and terrifying: wonderful because it means that you are never stuck one way; terrifying because it also means that there’s no “you” to speak of, really. Not one that persists, or is under your control.

The me I was in 2007 is no more or less me than the one I was when I started to think about death last spring. The only one that exists at all is the one typing these words right now.

The Portland Thorns, too, are only ever exactly as they are in a given moment. There’s no higher level of abstraction. At one moment in 2016, they were this:

The 2016 Thorns after their semifinal loss to the Western New York Flash

Once earlier this year, they were this:

A screenshot showing Washington in their defensive shape, with Kelli Hubly, who is carrying the ball, being left open.

Another time, they were this:

Marissa Everett, Kelli Hubly, Meghan Klingenberg, Angela Salem, and Rocky Rodríguez celebrating
Photo by Matthew Wolfe

So right at this moment, what are the Portland Thorns? Where can I go to see them?

Inevitably, we have to conclude that they do not exist. We use their name as a semantic convenience, but it does not point to any continuous thing. The Thorns are not Mark Parsons, AD Franch, Midge Purce, or “Iko Iko”. Nor are they Sophia Smith, a big red drum, Gavin Wilkinson, Rhian Wilkinson, or even Christine Sinclair. They are not a pressing team or a counterattacking team. They are not defensively sound, nor do they have trouble finishing. They are simply there, or not.

Photo by Matthew Wolfe
Duḥkha (Suffering)

The supply of suffering is infinite. It is the sting of a playoff loss, the sunburn one gets at an afternoon game in August. It is when Tobin Heath’s rights get snapped up in an expansion draft for no good reason.

We cannot stop these things from happening (please do wear sunscreen). Pain will happen. Loss will happen. Suffering is adjacent, but different: its root is in clinging. We cling to players and coaches, clearly. We cling to the idea of winning everything, to the high of a championship, to the moment when a player is one on one with the keeper and is surely, surely going to score. There is nothing here (see above). It’s like trying to scoop up sand with a sieve. Once we understand this, we can begin to get free.

It is only in letting go that we can fully experience anything. If we relinquish expectation, we start to feel that the very fact of the game is a miracle. The weight and texture of the ball, the sun and the rain, the existence of feet. We see that the moment a player is one on one with the keeper is a spark of magic, regardless of what happens next (what happens next doesn’t exist, until it does). The goal itself is an unalloyed joy, if we let it stand by itself.

Even the pain of loss, if we look at it right, is a thing to experience, to open ourselves up to. It doesn’t last. Or you might feel it today, but not tomorrow, and then again the next day. It is not us.

In this way, nothing is ever old. Everything is as new as the moment when we take it in. The world is remade in each moment, and so are we. May we always remember this. May we never feel old.

Photo by Nikita Taparia
Categories
Soccer Thorns

Some Thoughts on Endings

TW mention of suicide

Watching the Portland Thorns and Chicago Red Stars semi-final alone in my dorm room in Los Angeles, I felt numb. From the kickoff, something was off in the final third. The Thorns weren’t themselves. They seemed to be getting inside their own heads and psyching themselves out. While the stats showed the Thorns absolutely raining shots down on Chicago’s goal—21 to Chicago’s five—none of them were particularly threatening. It didn’t feel like the Thorns deserved to score. 

I wasn’t “having an okay time” seeing the team struggle on the field. They weren’t fighting for the ball as if their season depended on it, which it did. Maybe it was Lindsey Horan’s sudden freak injury or Crystal Dunn’s pregnancy announcement, but the personnel on the pitch seemed as though they had hardly played together. 

The Thorns haven’t had the best run of play leading into the playoffs; despite winning the shield, they won only three of their last 11 games. Ever since Paul Riley’s predatory behavior was made public, there has been a weight on the league that won’t lift. In the postgame, Emily Menges said that the team has done a great job of leaving these traumas off the pitch and focusing on soccer when they’re playing. I have to take her word for it, since I’m not in the locker room. However, I can’t help but think of the extreme mental toll that’s been taken on the players. 

Trauma and abuse as severe as what the players in the league have been through forges intense bonds between people. The foundation for that bonding was already in place. The Thorns have praised their team chemistry and culture throughout the season, saying that they are a team unlike they have been in the past and that they truly believe in one another.

But Menges and Christine Sinclair were on the team back in 2015, too. Having to relive terrible experiences while simultaneously working your job at a place that is entwined with toxicity is impossible for me to imagine, yet these players have done it.

They end the 2021 NWSL season with three of four trophies, which is an incredible feat they should be proud of. 

And yet, I think all these players need a long break. I’m not saying that it’s great that their season was cut short and that they are off now, but from the outside, it’s a bit of a relief. 

I’ve been through my own mental health struggles, which I wrote about for my school newspaper. I played soccer for 12 years at the club and high school levels, but had to quit due to the incredible pressure placed on me by my coaches and the toxic atmosphere my teammates created. Watching the game on Sunday, I couldn’t help but worry that this heavy NWSL season would turn players away from the league—or even from the sport they love altogether. I don’t want to make assumptions about what the players are going through, but I can’t help thinking about it in the context of my own experiences. 

After Chicago scored their second goal and the ref made several bad non-calls, the numbness overtook me. One aspect of the broadcast that particularly got to me was the repeated replays of the goals scored against Bella Bixby. Having only jumped up to first keeper midway through the season, the semifinal was her NWSL playoff debut. The Thorns’ playoff hopes rested on her shoulders. She was visibly frustrated after both goals, and the commentators talked about her reaction as the film looped. The broadcast even lingered on her after goal kicks, as if to implicitly blame her for the scoreline. As soon as the final whistle blew, the camera panned to Bixby, who was overcome with emotion. The camera stayed on her face far too long, and I, too, started to cry. 

Midway through Mark Parsons’s final media call as head coach of the Thorns, Bixby announced on Twitter that her father had died by suicide earlier that week. The rest of the world fell away as I read that. I barely registered another word that Parsons said. I knew exactly what Bixby was going through, and I couldn’t believe that she had just managed to play the most important game of her career. 

When I was 16, one of my close friends died by suicide, and I couldn’t do anything for weeks. Still, five years later, it’s hard for me to do things we used to do together. I can’t listen to Taylor Swift or have a picnic where we only eat veggie straws or see our horse, Willow, without crying. The mental strength it took for Bixby to go to work, to compete at the highest level, is something I cannot imagine, and I am so unbelievably impressed. It also made me more angry at the ways the broadcast fixated on her emotions. No matter the reason behind the sadness or emotions, they’re not for broadcasts or journalists to turn into content. 

When I lost my friend, I hated how people asked my mom, “oh, how is Jaiden doing?” for weeks. It never felt like genuine concern, just morbid curiosity. Like I was a museum piece.

I’m sad for the team, and how their season ended. There will not be a Thorns team like them again, with Parsons leaving and a roster shakeup inevitable with a double expansion draft next month. I’ll be sad to see people go, but I also know that the culture and community that the team has worked hard to create will inevitably be broken up. Losing that sense of safety and community so suddenly is hard to deal with.

Even with the team splintering off in the off-season, I hope they are still able to lean on one another as results of investigations are revealed. I particularly hope that Bella Bixby has people to support her. Having a group of people you can lean on no questions asked is one of the best tools for grieving. 

I don’t have much to say about the soccer played in that semifinal. But I do know that when you lose someone to suicide, it feels like the earth has stopped spinning.

If you suspect someone is suffering from suicidal thoughts or ideations, ask them about it point-blank. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s so much worse to regret that you didn’t ask. People who are suicidal feel as though they have no one to talk to. Showing them you’re the person they can talk to might save their life.

Categories
Soccer Thorns

That’s How it Goes in Soccer, Sometimes

The Thorns fell to the Chicago Red Stars 2–0 in their semifinal match at Providence Park on Sunday. Despite both teams taking a major last-minute scratch—Lindsey Horan sat out the match after suffering an injury the day before, and Chicago was without Mallory Pugh due to COVID-19 protocol—the Red Stars were able to execute their game plan, and the Thorns saw yet another match where they struggled to put the ball in the back of the net.

It was a rough game in that the Thorns kind of knew what Chicago was going to do in advance—if not the exact game plan, at least some of what they’d be coming up against—but they weren’t able to do enough to actually counteract that strategy.

“Our last match against Chicago, I thought they did a really good job of keeping us to one side,” Becky Sauerbrunn said in a press conference ahead of the semifinal game. “They kind of invited us to play to one side of the field and then really committed numbers and kept us over there, and it was difficult to switch the play. So for us, it’s identifying open players, it’s identifying the space that we can capitalize on and how we can get the ball there. I think if we can do that we can do that successfully and relatively risk-free, that will really help us in our build up.”

And Chicago did the same thing this time around.

“They’ve turned up into probably the hardest place to play against probably the hardest team to play,” Mark Parsons said of Chicago’s semifinal performance. “Very stingy, very disciplined, very organized performance, and they’ve got a great result.”

The Red Stars applied pressure early, cutting off spaces and staying touch-tight on Sophia Smith. For their part, the Thorns saw some success when they were able to break up a Chicago attack, switch the ball, and counter up the other side of the field, but the Red Stars were able to limit the moments where that happened from early on.

“Chicago did a really good job of keeping a lot of people in their box,” Emily Menges said after the game, “and it was really hard to get anything clean off.”

It’s not that the Thorns were bad—they generated a fair number of chances and managed to play out of Chicago’s press enough to get a couple really solid looks on goal—but, even as they found more chances, they did do the thing they’ve been doing all year where they shoot a lot and don’t have all that much to show for it. Despite a 21–5 shot line and an xG total that played heavily in their favor, the Thorns just weren’t able to find the back of the net.

But beyond the stat lines, it wasn’t a game that felt good. Kealia Watt was subbed off for Chicago after she went down a little before the 30-minute mark, and goalkeeper Cassie Miller went down a couple minutes after that.

And then there was the Red Stars’ first goal: an (admittedly very good) shot from Katie Johnson that deflected weirdly off Bella Bixby’s hand and inside the near post in the 37th minute. And then Chicago struck again when Morgan Gautrat found an open Sarah Woldmoe outside of Portland’s box, and Woldmoe snuck her shot from distance past the Thorns’ defense and inside the near post.

Again, it wasn’t that Portland were bad in the closing 30 minutes of the game, but they weren’t able to do enough to win back either of the goals or to prevent the game from ending in a 2–0 loss and Chicago moving onto the final.

“The ball didn’t bounce for us in the 18 tonight,” Christine Sinclair said after the match. “We created a lot of half chances, a lot of crosses, but we just weren’t on the end of them.”

That’s how it goes in soccer, sometimes.

It’s a tough note to go out on, especially with Parsons set to leave for the Netherlands and the inevitable roster shakeup that comes with two expansion drafts and a new head coach, especially after the fallout of the front office covering up Paul Riley’s abuse, especially with Bixby playing through her dad’s passing just days before—and especially when the Thorns had set out to win everything this season and ended up falling just short.

Categories
Soccer Thorns

A Little Worse for Wear, the Thorns Are Finally over the Finish Line

What strange times we’ve all lived through.

The end of this Thorns season—only the second-weirdest NWSL season because 2020 happened—came with a shrug last night, somehow sudden despite being the latest-ever closing weekend in the league’s nine-year history. If we had visions of the Thorns thundering down the stretch in Mark Parsons’s last year in Portland, growing in power until they peaked in the playoffs and won the last and biggest trophy left to win, well. They could still peak in the playoffs. They could certainly still win the big trophy. But things haven’t gone quite like that.

The season ender was, above all, weird. I’d been expecting a win; North Carolina have not been good (and weren’t good last night), and the possibility of the first decent home crowd in more than two months seemed to bode well, motivation-wise. Instead, the Thorns did more of their weird thing that they do, their frustrating thing where they look like the dominant side for most of the game, string together some beautiful attacking sequences, look like they generally have the right idea, and never manage to put the ball in the back of the net.

With that said, let’s look at how the Thorns approached NC. This team talks a lot about how they deploy the same formation against every opponent, but they do make smaller-scale tweaks against specific teams. Against the Courage last night, rather than pressing one forward and having the other available to combine or receive a through pass if the first forward won the ball, they used the non-pressing forward to mark NC’s strong-side outside back.

They also pressed the back line less than they generally do, period. Here’s a shot of the Courage defense getting lots of time on the ball, with the Thorns’ attackers gently encouraging them to keep to one side of the field but otherwise not interfering. Sophia Smith is loosely marking NC left back Carson Pickett in the bottom left of the image.

A screenshot showing North Carolina's half of the field as the Thorns defend. Carolina CB Abby Erceg has the ball and is being given lots of space, with the Thorns not pressing the back line at all. Both Carolina full backs are pushed well forward. Sophia Smith is hovering by left back Carson Pickett near the halfway line.

At first, this seems almost backwards. Generally speaking, offenses try to make their shape as big as possible, while a team in its defensive phase tries to shrink the available space. But here, as Mark Parsons explained after the game, the Thorns wanted to let the Courage spread out like this. “When their backline has time on the ball,” he said, “they get bigger, and when you win it, you have a lot of space to exploit, which you saw, I think, multiple times through the first half.”

As you can see in the screenshot above, both Pickett and Merritt Mathias, the NC right back, are pushed well up the field. Abby Erceg is taking her time on the ball, scanning the field for a pass. Eventually, she passed to Denise O’Sullivan in the center of the field, who was immediately forced to go back to Erceg under aggressive pressure from Angela Salem, bringing us to the moment below:

Here the Thorns have succeeded in confining Erceg to a little pocket on the left flank. She can’t pass to Pickett, who Smith is still covering. She could go back to O’Sullivan, but Salem is ready to pounce if she does so. She can either hit one over the top toward Jessica McDonald and Lynn Williams, or she can try to find a pass through the Thorns’ midfield line to Debinha, who’s hovering behind Yazmeen Ryan in this shot.

Ultimately, she chooses the second option, which brings us to the defensive advantage of Portland dropping one forward at a time back to mark an attacking fullback. “You look at McDonald and Williams, their biggest threat is in behind,” Parsons said. Marking one outside back with a forward lets all four defenders stay home, narrowing the channels Williams and McDonald have to get in behind.

There’s a second piece, too: “We wanted to make sure that that space wasn’t there, but they get there through their 10s.” Keeping four defenders home frees up one of them to step to the Courage No. 10s, Debinha and Amy Rodriguez, which is exactly what happened here. As soon as Erceg passed to Debinha, Kelli Hubly was in motion, springing forward to whack the ball into outer space.

Ideally, instead of a whack, they’d make a long pass into all that space created by the Thorns’ permissive pressing strategy, and Morgan Weaver or Christine Sinclair would burst through and have an easy chance on goal. That almost happened a few times, but, as Parsons said, the team ultimately “didn’t quite take advantage of those counter attacks.”

But: having already clinched the Supporters Shield, the Thorns didn’t need to win this game, which was perhaps what dictated the vibe as the game went on. After a handful of good chances in the first half, including some beautiful combinations between Portland’s attacking corps, the second half was a bit of a slog. The Thorns only posted five shots (compared to 14 in the first half), with just one on goal.

The Courage, meanwhile, were fighting to avoid elimination from the playoffs and played increasingly desperate as time marched on. It was a strange sight. Much of the individual brilliance the Courage have always had was still there, with Debinha and A-Rod both making some eye-popping, if useless, solo plays, but the machine broke down a long time ago. These days, we’re all just trying to get by.

As for the Thorns’ fate in the weeks to come: they get a bye in the first round of the playoffs, courtesy of the Shield. In the semifinal, they’ll play the winner of next weekend’s Chicago-Gotham matchup. I think it’s likely they beat either of those teams and make it to the final, but after that, it’s anyone’s game.

I genuinely don’t know what to make of Portland’s form right now. Last night after the whistle, the defense gathered for a group hug, celebrating their 13th regular-season shutout, which is a new league record. The team  was all smiles as they climbed the stairs to greet the fans and learn the winner of the Riveters Player of the Year, who—very deservedly—was Angela Salem.

They’re a good soccer team, broadly speaking. The best in the league, you might argue! It seems cruel at this point, after everything they’ve been through, to pick nits about the defense getting a little lucky a few times last night, or to ask whether the team is having a scoring issue. Parsons spoke about the need to keep improving heading into the semifinal, and he’s right. Hopefully Lindsey Horan, Crystal Dunn, and Rocky Rodríguez are all fully healthy by then, too, which will help.

As ever, the emphasis postgame was on togetherness. The last two years have been brutal for everyone in this league, and it’s hard not to assume that the last month in particular derailed the Thorns’ hoped-for late-season progression curve. But pain can lead to growth, too, and if the team is as happy to have made it this far as they seem to be, maybe that’s enough.

“This is a special group,” Kling said postgame. “It’s a real family. We’ve been through a lot this year—hard times—whether it’s health, COVID, the abuse scandals that have happened, and I think we’ve used all of these things to come together and to talk about it and to get stronger.”

Categories
Soccer Thorns

Still a Top Pro, Angela Salem Works Toward a Coaching License

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