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Soccer Timbers

The Problem with the MLS is Back Tournament

Have you heard? MLS is back!

Portland in better times. Photo by Craig Mitchelldyer.

With the MLS is Back Tournament set to kick off less than a month from now in sunny Orlando, Florida, there are still questions to be answered about basically every aspect of the league’s return to play.

How will MLS cope with spiking COVID-19 cases in Florida as the country struggles to implement the proper measures necessary to fight the pandemic? Who will broadcast the games and make them available to soccer-starved fans? After a four-month layoff, will teams be able to put together anything approaching a coherent game of soccer?

But before all of that can be addressed, there is one question that looms above all others: how the hell are you supposed to abbreviate the “MLS is Back Tournament”?

Look, nobody calls it Major League Soccer; we all call it MLS. Nobody calls it the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing; they call it NASCAR. Nobody calls it the NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Tournament; they call it March Madness.

The abbreviation is the name, and the abbreviation for the MLS is Back Tournament is a freaking mess.

So, let’s explore our options.

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MLSiBT
  • Pros: This is as close to an actual abbreviation for the MLS is Back Tournament as we have gotten so far.
  • Cons: A mouthful. A mushy, incoherent mouthful.

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MiBT
  • Pros: Possibly mistaken for “Men in Black Tournament.” Slightly increased chance of a Will Smith appearance.
  • Cons: Men in Black is a Sony property and it seems unlikely that they are going to get involved with a tournament being run on Disney turf.

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EPSOT

(Experimental Prototype Soccer of Tomorrow)

  • Pros: Futuristic.
  • Cons: But in a very 80’s kind of way.

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MitSASLBT

(MLS is the Second American Sports League Back Tournament)

  • Pros: True and accurate.
  • Cons: Even more of a mouthful than the MLSiBT. And if we are striving for accuracy it should probably be the MLSitSASLBTAtNWSL.

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The Tournament
  • Pros: Bold. Stakes a claim.
  • Cons: Prone to confusion with the other strange formats that American sports are adopting to cope with their shortened schedules.

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The MLS Returnament
  • Pros: Portmanteau. Has the name of the league in it to avoid confusion.
  • Cons: Hard to take seriously for those who, you know, care about that sort of thing.

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Copa Morada

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[repeating video of Josef Martinez saying “Orlando”]
  • Pros:

  • Cons: Atlanta.